In some cases, having an affair may be an indication of a sexual addiction. The dynamics of this type of affair is different that those where the spouse has violated their vows. They have still had an affair, although the drive and motivation behind their actions are different. With the sexual addiction, an affair is more akin to getting ‘a fix’ as opposed to seeking a new love in their life.

In surviving the sexual addiction, the adulterous spouse will likely need professional help. They need someone to hold them accountable and keep them honest. When spouses attempt this role, the overload of information is often too much for them. The more information they uncover, the more difficulty they experience in forgiving them. In the event that an addiction is present, it likely began before the marriage, so the affair is not so much about rejection of the resolute spouse as it is about fulfilling the addiction. This does not mean that this type of affair is acceptable, it just has something different driving what happens. In addictions, especially with sexual addictions, sex is connected more with control than love.

One of the unfortunate effects of the chemical sexual vitality provided by Viagra, Cialis, etc. is that people are ready for sexual activity irregardless of what their conscience tells them. In the past, a guilty conscience often prevented sexual acts from occurring. With the advent of such chemicals, previous psychosomatic checks and balances are overridden, allowing sexual activity without guilt-driven impairment. These kind of chemicals are extremely dangerous for sexual addicts since they allow unbridled opportunities for acting out.

In recovering from an affair, it will be important to understand what drove the affair, or what motivated them to consider such actions. If actions are not taken to address the root needs and motivations for the affair, then recovery will be limited. Dealing with sexual addictions can often be complicated and emotionally intense beyond that of other affairs. If you suspect that your spouse has a sexual addiction, it may be in your best interest to consult an addiction or mental health professional.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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