If you have been following this series of posts, I have been addressing what I have observed in working with some infidels. In the last post on the topic, I mentioned the danger of a passive mind. In reading further on the topic in some material by Eric Fromm, he notes that this passivity of mind is often a by-product of boredom. The boredom eventually turns to a form of hatred. When I apply this to the infidel, it paints a picture that the infidel grows bored with the relationship or their daily life. When the boredom turns to hatred, they look for ways to ’spice things up’, or ‘make them feel alive’. It is during this stage that they often report feeling dead, or numbed out. (On another note, I am curious if many of the ED cases are actually those men who are bored, and resort to using chemicals to change themselves rather than change their thinking or behavior). When a person in in this state of hatred, then have been known to pursue destructive choices focused on lashing out at what they perceive as the cause of the boredom. In the case of the infidel, they make choices that lash out at their marriage and or partner. Although this idea sounds far fetched, it is surprising how many infidels do things with the intention of getting caught. It is as if they are intentionally trying to sabotage their marriages and their lives.  Such behavior will eliminate the boredom, but the idea of replacing the boredom with destructive drama does not seem like a good trade off to me.

The question then arises, “what can I do to prevent this?”. The answer is to engage your spouse. Get them to engage in activities that require effort and exertion, rather than passive acts. Discourage television watching. Take steps to eliminate the current fad of ‘multi-tasking’. (When in multi-tasking mode, we are often just reacting and not actively thinking). Change up your routine. These are things that will help break the power of the passive mind.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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