In dealing with infidelity, when the couple talks, it is always a struggle to determine what is “the truth”. The fact is that there are many truths. If you hope to understand what happened and what the needs of your spouse are, you will need to listen to their truth, and yes they will need to listen to your truth. Each truth will need to be validated. You can’t just take that attitude that “He’s a liar, and I can’t believe anything he says”  or “She’s just doing her typical nagging”. Such attitudes disregard what your spouse has said.

You may not like or agree with what they are saying, but it is the truth of what they experienced and how they think. Taking the arrogant position that somehow your truth is more true than their truth is a sure way to shut down communication between the two of you. Each person will need to take up responsibility for their own actions. They will need to assume responsibility for their own feelings and their own truth.

When a couple is able to express and listen to the various versions of ‘truth’, they then can make breakthroughs in meeting real needs and developing a lasting intimacy.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

affair, cheating, infidelity, Understanding Affairs

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