During the aftermath of an affair, it often seems as if ‘fear’ and the ‘unknown’ become your constant companions. Besides the fear that you have lost your spouse, there is a sense of feeling lost or bewildered. Although there are many people who will tell you to “do this” or “do that”, they are like scarecrows pointing directions, but are not there to go through those things with you.

Part of what makes this happen is that the knowledge of an affair triggers an emotional fight or flight type of reaction. It turns the focus of your life onto your own pain and inadequacies. One way to escape the fear is to acknowledge your inadequacies rather than run from them. Fear increases the more we run away from something. So quit running away and be honest with yourself about yourself. Once you reduce the fear, then you will more clearly see what action steps are needed to deal with your situation. When fear clouds the thinking, people often take steps that they assume will reduce the fear first, before they work on surviving the affair. It is important to stop running, be honest, accept who you are and then deal with surviving the affair. Just like fear may have kept you from dating or going out with someone who you really wanted to go out with, it will keep you from taking the actions that need to be taken.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

adultery, affairs, cheating, fear in relationships, infidelity, Understanding Affairs

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