Archive for November, 2007
Affairs have a strange effect on the people they touch. It is almost uncanny how an affair can change so many things. I use the term “Affair Magic” because like a magic act, so many things change. The meanings of sex, intimacy and trust are suddenly changed. Communication and non-verbal messages change. It is true […]
The source of power in affairs is the secrets. When the secrets are out in the open, the affair loses much of the power it once had over the person. One reason the secrets have so much power is that they are closely tied to shame and guilt. The guilt and shame associated with what […]
A common question the resolute spouse faces when an affair is discovered is “Should I ask for the details?”. This is not an easy issue to address. The infidel needs to come clean, although knowing the details will make it more difficult to forgive. The details create vivid word images that are hard to let […]
A recently disclosed affair in Germany had some interesting twists. A married bank manager began arranging for loans in exchange for sexual favors. While he was making the loans, he skimmed some from the money transaction as well. All in all together they took $500,000 Euros from the bank. The man was 31-years old and […]
I was just posting links to some of the other blogs addressing infidelity on the web. The topic is a timely one in that when people are hurting they want answers quickly. They are in pain and are often desperate for answers.
Fashion & Woman: Had a post about why bad guys cheat and good guys […]
In Florida, a prominent local State politician, Bob Allen was found guilty of soliciting sexual services. The jury deliberated several hours before coming to their decision. Bob Allen claims that the he thought the undercover officer was going to rob him. He insists on his innocence in the matter. Since I am not a […]
Affairs, like other problems of self-control begin with thoughts in the mind. What some people call “Stinkin’ thinkin’ ” is at the root of the origin. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is the idea of “I want what I want when I want it and how I want it”. In older days, it was called selfishness. Once this […]
A blogger named Patrick Oki recently conducted an informal survey regarding infidelity. His study results had some surprises. Among those surprises were the hobbies of the most loyal spouses. Believe it or not, video gaming made it to the top of the list for men and women. Religious studies were also a big favorite with […]
Although the term infidelity is out of vogue, it expresses many of the issues regarding affairs. The term itself means one who is no longer loyal or an someone who committed an act of disloyalty. Affairs are definitely an act of misplaced loyalty. The loyalty of priority of the adulterer is on themselves and immediate […]
In dealing with couples, I am constantly amazed at the amount of ‘magical thinking’ that occurs. This magical thinking takes several forms. One is, If only I can explain my viewpoint, they will believe me and all will be fine. Another is all if only I can show them what a great lover I am […]
