In the aftermath of affairs where there has been physical abuse, there is a strange phenomena related to denial. Recall that the purpose of denial is to distort events and recollections. This phenomena concerns how spouses on realizing the existence of an affair and abuse see very clearly the pattern of wrongs and how things have been twisted around. Since as humans no one wants to think that someone who once loved them could reject them. It is hard to conceive. Since it is hard to conceive, the mind active works to distort events and the recollection of them. As more time goes by, the mind works toward minimizing what happened regarding the affair and what all was involved. This distorting occurs naturally. The distortion is particularly strong when the situation was abusive or involving humiliating sexual activity.

In the event that your spouse has physically abused you, the time to take action is immediately. In such situations, the longer one waits, the greater the likelihood of distortion.  The distortion will often attempt to minimize or downplay what occurred.

Although this phenomena occurs more in traumatic situations, it also occurs to some degrees in non-violent affair situations. For that reason, it will be important to write down your recollections, rather than trust them to memory. This will help you acurately recall the issues needing attention.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

adultery, cheating, denial, denial of adultery, infidelity, memory difficulties related to affairs, philandering, Understanding Affairs

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