Archive for August, 2008
A commonly asked question that challenges many with its answer is “Can a person be driven to an affair?” In emotionally unhealthy marriages, spouses often find themselves feeling desperate in finding ways to meet their needs. The needs are legitimate. There is nothing wrong with the needs. What becomes problematic is when they see the […]
Many times the signs and symptoms of an affair are visible. An expression in counseling is that “a person can not not communicate”. There are always signals and non-verbal signs of behaviors. There may be oddities that you notice in their behavior. Many spouses do not mention these items or question them but rather instead […]
In the aftermath of an affair, behaviors are often at the forefront of the arguments/discussions. The reason behaviors are at the front is their visibility. They make easy targets since they are observable. Behaviors can be either denied or admitted to. What is often not discussed is attitudes. It is as if the attitudes are […]
Adultery is one of those heinous acts that people often search for who is to blame. The focus on blaming often keeps each of the spouses from taking an honest look at what each can do to improve the marriage. The blaming often takes the form of good person/bad person. A distinct difference is noted […]
A question that is often very difficult to handle is “Is it my fault that my spouse had an affair?” Such questions often keep the emotional tension at a high point. There are feelings of guilt, shame, anger and often rage associated with this question. Many times there are mixed answers to the question. There […]
One of my sons is a Quintin Tarantino fan, and as such he uses quotes from his movies. One of those quotes concerns revenge. In one movie of the Kill Bill series, revenge is likened to a forest that one often gets lost in. The more I thought about it, I realized there is some […]
In reading through articles concerning affairs, a complaint made by adulterers is the lack of resources available to them. I exclaimed to myself “Are they not looking?!” It surprised me that the concern was raised. After thinking about it, I realized that this is the kind of thinking that got them in this place anyways. […]
One of the hazards of serving in the military oversees is the high risk of infidelity. Infidelity is dangerous enough at home, yet when it occurs in other nations, it is often more life-threatening than domestic occurrences. Affairs are life-threatening. If they do not threaten your life physically, they do so emotionally and spiritually. Not […]
One concern expressed by those who have been impacted by affairs is “How long does the pain last?” The answer depends on which person you are talking about. Affairs have a way of inflicting pain across the generations and through time. You may excuse and forgive the infidelity, but will your children forgive it? Will […]
A woman in Australia came up with a creative way of dealing with her husband’s affair. She is auctioning off the evidence she found. She is offering for sale on ebay, the panties/knickers of the paramour (she calls her a ‘tart’) and her husband’s condom. They are being offered as a package deal at the […]
