How to cope with a cheating spouse

Have you ever considered what it is about affairs that makes them so painful? If the affair was purely a physical act, like shaking hands then overcoming them would not be so problematic. Part of what makes them painful is the loss of security, trust and breach of sacred promise that adds to the difficulty in overcoming this ‘behavior’. Coitus is more than a physical act. Sexual activity involves ‘bonding’ on many levels. The violations of such bonding leaves deep emotional scarring on the parties involved. Like all scars, there is pain associated with the wounding along with the healing process. This will help you develop a better understanding of the pain associated with affairs.

Best Regards,

J. Murrah

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Disasters and crises present some special stresses for marriage relationships. During such times, there are additional strains on the relationships. When the the couple is getting along with each other such crises can bring them closer together. When crises, like the recent hurricane Ike disaster occur, the added stress can cause couples to distance themselves from each other. Crises also expose relationships concerning who and what are truly important to them. Who is it that they call during the crisis? When you are facing a crisis, who do you want to call? The person or persons you want to call reveals much about your relationships.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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Affairs wreak damage on relationships. They can also lead to damage of careers, jobs and reputations. One area often damaged by affairs, but not frequently discussed is health. The most obvious health related concern is communicable diseases. Since some of these are potentially life threatening, it is a concern. The risk taking involved in participating in the affair spills over into taking unwise risks concerning exposure to diseases. The adulterers forget the old adage that if it is easy to get them in bed, you are probably not the first to do so.

Other health concerns include, high blood pressure, lack of sleep, with all the disorders that go with that, headaches, irritable bowel, and heart palpitations.  These health problems are not limited to the adulterer. Many of these health concerns develop with the spouse of the adulterer. Having the affair may provide some boost to the ego and a few minutes of pleasure, but is it worth all the potential health related problems that often go with it?  Is it worth the worry and stress that are part of the price tag? Those few minutes of pleasure are very expensive in term of what it costs regarding peace of mind and trust.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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Affairs are often painted by its proponents as being  between “consenting adults”, or as “a victimless crime”. Those attempting to excuse affairs often find any excuse they can, from anthropology research regarding various primitive tribes, polls taken in Men’s/Women’s magazines to the questionable Kinsey research. What the research, polls, and observations fail to report is the effect on children. They also do not report how an affair impacts those surrounding the infidel and their family. The infidel is often so focused on self-gratification or the needs of the tempter/temptress they ignore the needs of their own family in the process. They may ask questions about “What about my needs?/desires/wants in order to mentally excuse their actions. Such questions only reveal the level of confusion they are experiencing. The act of infidelity begins a ripple effect that touches many more people than just the parties involved. It effects the abilitly of those around them to trust them. It sends the message that ‘selfishness’ is ok. It sends the message that your own gratification takes priority over reputation or honor.

I am still pondering which comes first, the making of excuses, that justify the ‘me first’ mentality or the affair. What is clear is that the two go hand in hand. If you or your spouse has the ‘me first’ mentality, danger is around the corner.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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There are some couples who actually plant seeds for their own destruction within the marriage. One way this occurs is through the use of fantasy and toys. Although many couples find that these may enhance their playtime, there is a hidden danger. The hidden danger is that such practices often lead to you or your spouse developing a taste for the toys and fantasies. This danger becomes apparent when a seducer or seductress dresses or wants to play the same game. Since the sensitivity to the game is already there, the seduction is half-done when it begins. The stiletto heels make you look nice, but you will want your husband attracted to you rather than your stiletto heels. If he is attached to the stilettos more than you, then the next person wearing stilettos will find it easy to attract him. Fetishes, by their very nature, focus on attaching emotions to the objects rather than the person wearing them. So, the same reaction will occur whenever someone else wears the fetish object or toy the next time.

One of the things that swingers find exciting is the dressing up for the event. The excitement of the toys and fantasy is one of the ways used to keep people hooked into such lifestyles.

Best Regards,

J Murrah

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