Archive for September, 2008
In the recent devastation of Hurricane Ike and the subsequent recovery, I was reminded of the nature of recovery. Recovery takes time. Recovery is often uncomfortable, taking us way out of our comfort zones and to places that we never dreamed we would be. There are embarrassing questions and things that you would not discuss […]
In the chaotic days after finding out about an affair, there is often a desire to ‘take revenge’ on the adulterer. Revenge does little to repair the relationship. When in the midst of pain, the thought of revenge is tempting. Taking revenge will inflict pain on one’s spouse, it will provide a release of negative […]
Have you ever considered what it is about affairs that makes them so painful? If the affair was purely a physical act, like shaking hands then overcoming them would not be so problematic. Part of what makes them painful is the loss of security, trust and breach of sacred promise that adds to the difficulty […]
One question that often surprises couples is “do you want marriage counseling or divorce counseling?” Some couples show up at the counselor after an affair and have never considered the reason they were there. The question startles them, it wakes them up to the reality of what they are facing. It also serves to make […]
Disasters and crises present some special stresses for marriage relationships. During such times, there are additional strains on the relationships. When the the couple is getting along with each other such crises can bring them closer together. When crises, like the recent hurricane Ike disaster occur, the added stress can cause couples to distance themselves […]
Affairs wreak damage on relationships. They can also lead to damage of careers, jobs and reputations. One area often damaged by affairs, but not frequently discussed is health. The most obvious health related concern is communicable diseases. Since some of these are potentially life threatening, it is a concern. The risk taking involved in participating […]
Affairs are often painted by its proponents as being between “consenting adults”, or as “a victimless crime”. Those attempting to excuse affairs often find any excuse they can, from anthropology research regarding various primitive tribes, polls taken in Men’s/Women’s magazines to the questionable Kinsey research. What the research, polls, and observations fail to report is […]
There are some couples who actually plant seeds for their own destruction within the marriage. One way this occurs is through the use of fantasy and toys. Although many couples find that these may enhance their playtime, there is a hidden danger. The hidden danger is that such practices often lead to you or your […]
One of the particularly challenging questions that often arises as couples take steps in repairing their marriage after an affair concerns the resolution spouse’s attitude. The attitude of the resolute spouse is critical to consider in looking at the marriage. When the resolute spouse is angry, cold and distant, it would not inspire anyone to […]
New research conducted by Swedish scientists raises questions about the genetic background of affairs. In their research, they have found that some genetic variations (AVPR1A)Â have influenced the bonding of voles. Their research has found that genetic variations can explain some difficulties they have in bonding. The researchers are wondering if it has applications for […]
