Archive for October, 2008
Affairs and cheating represent one of the areas of human behavior that is surrounded by more distortions than political campaigns. When affairs happen, there is often a distortion of the events, and the sequence of them. The distortion occurs with the infidel and the resolute spouse. These distortions make it hard to understand what actually […]
Whenever I travel to another city, the time always arrives that the luggage has to be brought in. Even in marriages, the baggage eventually has to be brought in. This is also true in coming to terms with affairs. When an affair happens, before one can make sense out of what happened, the event has […]
One of the events that often occurs with affair situations is crises. When the crisis arrives, it impacts the couple involved. Any crisis has the potential to either force the couple to come together and cooperate or for each to go to their separate corners and lead to the relationship fragmenting. Even the Chinese symbol […]
Although many couples recognize that they have “communication problems”, few are willing to honestly examine and consciously change the patterns of behavior that keep it going. One of those “communication” problems that I have often seen is when one spouse repeatedly states, that their spouse “just won’t listen to me” or its variant “they don’t […]
During the conflicts that arise associated with affairs, it is common that one spouse will attempt to excuse what they say and do based solely on their intentions. They assume that if they did or said something with ‘good’ intentions, it makes their actions acceptable. In their own mind, they often do not believe they […]
Children know more about marital relationships than parents often suspect. Although they may not know the details of the affair, they sense the emotional and attitudinal aspects of cheating. They know when a parent is distancing themselves from the family. They know if mom or dad is moodier than usual. They know if the attention […]
Although it is an unpleasant prospect, many spouses drive their partners off. Many times it is easier to condemn the infidel for their unfaithfulness rather than question one’s own loyalties prior to the affair. A common pattern that I have seen is when the spouse places children, job or hobbies ahead of their spouse. Since […]
One of the many surprises I encounter when couples come for counseling is how little spouses know about each other. When they keep financial and health information from each other it lets me know that there are problems. When information is kept from the spouse, it sets the stage for secrets to develop. When secrets […]
Congressman Tim Mahoney campaigned on bringing morals into the office of his predecessor Mark Foley. He ended up paying out an alleged former mistress $121, 000. He had promised her a job with a $50,000 year income. Even accusations of affairs can be expensive. Promises are made and decisions are made in haste in dealing […]
One of the painful realities concerning cheating and infidelity is when the resolute spouse recognizes that they missed many early warning signs. Many times they knew something was not right “in their gut” but they ignored it. They sensed that things were not what they should be and dismissed it. The early warning signs are […]
