One of the hallmarks of cheating behavior is deception. People may refer to this deception as lies or delusions, although those are nothing more than close cousins of deception.
The whole cheating relationship begins with deception. The deceptions may be from one party or both. It may also be either self-deception or acting to deceive the other person involved.
Putting it plainly, it begins with disguises. The parties may disguise their motives, their marital status, or their identities. Once in their disguise, the parties engage in the fantasy at the root of the affair.
The cheater and lover begin a relationship based on fantasy. Neither one knows the truth about the other. If they know any truth, it’s been manicured in a way that makes them look better than they are.
Both the lover and cheater start making assumptions about the person based on their fantasies. It’s a relationship with little to no substance in the early stages.
As long as the fantasy lives, the affair can be rekindled. It is important in dealing with affairs, that those involved be honest about who they are, what their marital status is, and their intentions.
In the attempts of rationalizing what happened, people make the affair sound good or well intentioned. Since the emotions confuse the facts, the whole reality of the situatation becomes muddled. Honesty is the only way out of it. Once there’s honesty, interventions can be done severing the bonds created under false pretenses.
Even in legal circles, agreements made under false pretenses are no valid. In affairs, the relationship begins with false pretenses (deception). The relationship begins with a lie.
Although people start the relationship, there is no intention to commit to it. Decisions are then made based those pretenses. The deceptions add to the confusion of the situation.
For more information on the role of fantasy in affairs, the ebook “Why He Cheats” goes deeper. The volume includes the role of fantasy in the affair. There are also ways of dealing with the fantasy and affair fog.
Best Regards,
Jeff
