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Do you know the differences between admiration and infatuation? Sadly many couples do not and the blurring of those two often lead to affairs. This blurring is particularly problematic in vocations where a power imbalance exists. When there is a relationship based on a power imbalance, such as teacher-student, dentist-patient, police officer-citizen, pastor-layman, boss-employee, there are some inherent dangers. The danger exists on each side of these equations. For the person in the ‘power’ position, there is often a need to be admired, respected, listened to. When someone comes along and provides that in a way that their spouse is not listening to them, respecting their position, societal standing, etc., they confuse the admiration with infatuation. The respect turns into lustful desires when allowed to simmer long enough.

For the lesser of the power positions, it is common to respect those in authority. Along with that respect is also some admiration and desires for some of that power themselves. Those in the power-less positions often want more power. The relationship with the power person is seen as a way of attaining that power. The feelings of admiration can easily become sexually charged. When sexually chaged, they become dangerous when acted on. It is not unusual for people to fantasize about relationships with the power people, it becomes dangerous when the line is crossed and they act out those fantasies. The sexualizing of the power positions is one of the reasons behind a high level of sexual addictions among people in power positions.

Knowing how to deal with admiration is critical in avoiding affairs. When admiration is confused with infatuation, the danger for affairs is high.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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