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One of the sad realities of human relationships is that “Hurt people hurt people”. This is important to keep in mind during the aftermath of an affair. When spouses have been hurt by an affair, they often hurt back. Whether or not the adulterous spouse intended to hurt, the betrayal of the affair inflicted hurt. In an attempt to deal with their hurt, the resolute spouse often strikes out.

The striking out may be direct or indirect. When the pain is exceptionally intense, they often find ways of making the adulterer ‘feel’ the intensity of the hurt that they themselves are experiencing. Whether or not the hurt is justified becomes irrelevant. When a person is hurting, they are often not logical or rational. They often find themselves striking out. When the affair is one that was exceptionally painful, there are often directed intentional attempts at hurting the other spouse. Love is often witheld. At times, they may attempt to withold the children from the parent as well. One sign that danger is present is when the phrase, “You don’t deserve your children”. In such cases, the situation often spins out of control and allegations of “child abuse” are often hurled at the adulterer. When the spouse is hurting, there are always lawyers willing to fan the flames and “get them what they are entitled to”. In most cases, it is not about entitlement, but rather revenge.

Keeping this in mind, when your spouse is hurting, it is not the time to attack back, either verbally, physically or legally.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

affairs and child abuse, allegations of child abuse after an affair, cheating, hurting spouses and affairs, infidelity, parent alienation syndrome, Understanding Affairs