Although the practice of 'swinging' is portrayed as hip and cool, the reality is often very different. What was once labeled as 'wife swapping' or 'open marriage' has been given the title of swinging in order to have more mass appeal.
I cannot speak for all swingers, but only for the ones that I have worked with. I have seen the brokeness that swinging produces and the damage it leaves in its wake.
Many wives are caught up in swinging at the insistence of their spouses. Since they want their husbands to be happy, they initially go along with the idea. There are even sites that tell husbands how to talk their wives into swinging.
First, swingers have to find a way into the 'network'. In each city that has a swinging network, there are prescribed places to meet that have been pre-selected ahead of time.
One must be 'in the know' in order to have awareness of which club they need to attend that evening. The clubs often charge a fee, with a required number of drinks for the couple.
Initially there is either fear of the unknown or the excitement of dressing up and going somewhere filled with activity. There is something about when you putt on formal clothes, meet new people and go to exotic places that is exciting and stimulating.
Children are often sent off for the weekend in order to avoid embarrassing moments associated with being found out.
Once at the pre-selected club, the couples mingle, drink and dance. After a few hours, the alcohol kicks in and then it is time for a 'get-together at someone's home, retreat or boat'. The locations are often very exclusive, which adds a sense of unreality and fantasy to what is going on.
When the lifestyle begins, there is plenty of excitement at doing something different and dangerous. Once the couple becomes immune to the danger and conscience, the excitement of dress up and drama associated with human relationships often takes over to keep the adrenaline pumping.
The spouse engages in activities that they may find distasteful only because it pleases their spouse. In this mix of people, emotion and alcohol, the feelings of arousal and pleasing the spouse are often confused.
The result is a lifestyle full of secrets, guilt, shame and remorse. Yes there was excitement, although there are often more memories of things they wish to forget. There is the anxiety or running into someone from 'the club'. You do not want others to find out, yet are stimulated when you encounter someone else from the 'club' or 'lifestyle'.
There is the possibility of someone finding out who they do not wish to find out. What if your parents, children or grandparents find out? What if you run into your child's teacher, principal or coach? Suddenly how you see the world changes in ways you never imagined.
It becomes another world with its own set of rules and control over the people. It becomes a world that owns the couple rather than them owning their own world. The glamor is deceiving. It tricks people into a lifestyle that will change them and their conscience forever. It's a glossy way to hide sexual addictions and affairs and try to make them acceptable.
Much like the photoshopped images of porn stars, the glamor of the swinger lifestyle has been doctored and made to look better than it is.
When the parties are over, the couple are often left with the reality that the swinging was nothing more than affairs and orgies on a grand scale.
If you're struggling with the effects from swinging you may be experiencing relationship trauma. These symptoms include using drugs or alcohol in increasing amounts, depressed moods, low energy, restlessness, anxiety, sleep problems, stomach problems, lowered resistance to illnesses.
Rather than suffer through the relationship trauma, there's help. You don't have to get drunk, take pills or medications to numb yourself out, and keep symptoms under control.
When you've been traumatized, there are reasons for you not being able to ‘get over it’ and bounce back. Discover the tools, exercises and techniques you need in understanding and moving past what has happened to you. If that's your situation, get your copy of the video on "Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers". 75-minutes. Immediate Access.