Archive for July, 2009
If you want to be notified the next time I write something, sign up for email alerts or subscribe to the RSS Feed. Thanks for reading. If affairs are the solution, then what is the problem? Many times cheaters look to affairs as a way to ‘fix’ a problem in their marriage or their […]
It amazes me how individuals who are determined to have an affair will manufacture any excuse they can. Rather than assume responsibility to their choices and actions, they will blame instincts, urges, human nature, the other person, the situation, anything but themselves. I mention the human nature since the act of having sex with anything […]
One of the most tragic aspects of cheating is that families and lives are destroyed, while those who perpetrated the cheating often gloat and justify their actions by saying it was ‘between consenting adults’. Although the selfish adults who participated in the affair consented, they did not consider how their actions would impact their family, […]
Waiting is never enjoyable. Overcoming infidelity often involves waiting. Waiting for your spouse to come home, waiting for phone calls when they are out of town, waiting for the next possible episode. There are many forms of waiting. No matter what form you find yourself dealing with, it does not make it any easier.
Coping with […]
The question “Why wasn’t I enough?” is another one of the queries that often arise in the aftermath of an affair. Let us take a look at the question and responses to it. First it is a “why?” question. Why questions are looking for explanations. By their very nature they put people on the defensive. […]
Many spouses live in fear that what happened could occur again. That fear is so real that they often react emotionally as if it was happening in the ‘here and now’ (e.g. present tense). The tendency to live in the future rather than the present can be a nightmare. Those living in the future often […]
I am often asked “Is there any hope for us?”. When clients ask the question, they often seek a combination of reassurance and fortune telling. They have often spent years tearing down each other and now want an “outsider” to come along and make things better. I often wish it was that simple. The more […]
Researchers of human relationships continue debating what percentage of couples have affairs. Data ranges from 10-40% depending on the study. Surveys in women’s magazines often report higher numbers than when researchers are asking people face to face. Surveys show that even some women and men who hold to values opposed to infidelity have crossed the […]
Most of the attention in dealing with affairs focuses on top signs that someone is cheating or a variation of that. The focus on catching and avoiding being caught seems to be the major amount of articles and websites on affair. Although that is where there is the highest amount of drama and excitement, it […]
Some affairs are the product of love addictions rather than poor decision making, immoral values, sexual addition, poor impulse control or other factors often found underlying affairs. In the case of love addiction-based affairs, the spouse afflicted is seeking stimulation. The need for “love stimulation” becomes the priority. The need for stimulation often over rides […]
