Cassie was excitedly getting ready for a days outing with her sister Tammy. They often did things together. When Cassie arrived for the swim party, she was shocked. Tammy was there with another man, who was not her husband. Tammy quickly approached her sister and swore her to secrecy concerning this little ‘get together’ and her lover. Since Cassie herself had some questionable activities in her past, there was little she could say. Now her own sister was ‘black mailing’ her regarding her affair. Here Tammy was with another man and she could say nothing to their parents, to friends, or anyone. It was a terrible secret and one that she did not feel comfortable with.
Here Tammy was having an affair and letting her marriage fall apart and Cassie could do nothing. It did not matter that Tammy’s kids were getting out of control. They knew their mom was having an affair, but like Cassie, they could not say anything. The whole family was miserable while Tammy was enjoying her ‘boy toy’. She was having fun at the family’s expense.
Cassie’s situation with her sister Tammy is not unusual. Many times, family members effectively black mail others with threats and secrets. Those burdened with such information often feel like they are being held hostage. They know the truth about what is really going on, but they can not say anything. At family get-togethers they have to put on a front and act like everything is fine, while they know how rotten the reality actually is.
By keeping the secret, she is miserable and it also passive condones the affair. Carrying on this double life is tearing Cassie apart, but she feels helpless to do anything about it.
Getting out of and past such situations requires telling the truth. It requires dealing with the truths about what is going on. The healing often does not start until the truth comes out. The truth would help Tammy and Cassie in each of their situations.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
