How to cope with a cheating spouse

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A truism regarding affairs is that no one, I repeat NO ONE is smart enough to be able to cover all their tracks. In a small town, it is exceptionally difficult. People recognize you driving through town, in the local eateries, at the local hotels. Not only do you encounter these people during the affair, you run into them at the church, grocery store, hardware store or post office during the regular weekday. They have seen you in action and now you have to see them in other settings. In the big city, much can be covered with a smile and polite nod, yet in small towns, you often find yourself in conversation with those people, and having to face them eye to eye. In the event you are not dealing directly with the people who saw you, since people talk, their associates likely know who you are and what you have been doing.

You may be able to hide the affair itself, but you will not be able to hide the tracks of where you went, who you were with, etc. Hiding your lover from your spouse is one thing, but hiding all your tracks is not so easily accomplished. On the internet, one can resort to track erasing software. Such software is not so readily available in real life.

Even you or your lover will have to visit their physician. Sexual activity will tell on you at the doctor’s office. There will be tell tale signs of what has been going on. Even when you keep those signs hidden, then you have to deal with the psychosomatic symptoms which develop from keeping those things hidden.

Be careful where you go, for there will always be tracks.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

affairs in a small town, cheating in a small town, doctors and affairs, Understanding Affairs

The sensation that often accompanies the discovery of an affair is that of loss. The loss is often intense and deep. Many liken it to feeling like they have fallen in a hole. The more they think about the affair and what they lost, the deeper they fall into the hole. The hole turns into a pit or abyss when we quit seeing light at the top. When one has fallen in so deep there is no light. The light at the top is one of the signs of hope. When the light is no longer visible, we feel there is no hope.

So how does one get out of the pit?

First, quit falling into it, by focusing on loss and disappointment.  Such sentiments are good for a pity party, but that quickly gets boring since no one else really wants to hear about out misery.

Second, learn to change one’s thinking. The thoughts we feed our mind with are the programming for our brain. When the programming keeps turning out rotten data, the problem is not the data, the problem is the programming. Change the programming.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

aftermath of an affair, aftermath of cheating, depression and an affair, Understanding Affairs

Affairs come in many shapes and sizes. Since they do come in many forms, it is often difficult to make blanket statements that apply to all affairs. Although many times, the picture is that some seducer or seductress lured one’s spouse away is a romantic notion, it is not always the case. In some cases, the innocent party in the affair may actually be the lover. Although spouses always want to assume that their husband or wife is ‘innocent’, the reality may be that they were the seducer. Their spouse could have lied about their marital status and led an innocent party astray.

The leading astray of an innocent third party is not a pleasant picture to consider, yet it does happen. The picture becomes tragic when the lover also has children. When they are a parent and led astray, that choice of the relationship touches many more lives than imagined.

I mention the ‘innocent lover’ as something to consider when sorting through an affair. The claims that the lover makes that they are innocent and that they are the injured party may be correct. If your spouse has a history of lying, deceit or of leading a double life, it may very well be that that pattern occurred again. The problem may not be people seducing your spouse, it could be that your spouse is seducing others. Knowing what the source of the problem is becomes crucial when deciding what to do about the situation.

For more information on how to deal with an affair and its aftermath are found in my e-book on the subject.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

affair dynamics, cheaters, infidelity, lovers, Understanding Affairs