You handled things your way, asking the questions you thought were best and what did it get you? You may find yourself wondering what is right and what is wrong. You may even wonder if there are right questions or magic bullets that will change things.
Questions are important. The questions you ask determine what answers you receive. The questions set the direction of the relationship. The questions you ask, not only seek information from your spouse, they give your spouse directions on which way you want your relationship to go.
You may say you want things to improve, so what is the reason for asking questions about the past? You say you want to get closer to your spouse, but you ask questions that create distance. Giving mixed signals is a sure way to create frustration and confusion. You may be discovering that you are complaining about a situation that you have contributed to and maintain with your mixed questions.
The right question is the one that is pointed in the direction you want to go. Here are some examples:
1. How can we create more openness between the two of us? (compare this to: How can you do this to me?)
2. Where do you see our relationship going? (compare this to: What were you thinking when you …?)
3. What can we do to improve our relationship? (compare this to: What is wrong with me, that you go chasing after some other woman?)
Yes, there are right questions. The questions you ask determine the direction you are headed.
Find out more about ways to improve communication in my e-book, “How to cope with a cheating spouse”.
I will also be addressing this and other topics in my upcoming free tele-seminar interview “Five secrets of getting your spouse to talk about their cheating” The call will be Tuesdsay, August 17th 5-7:30 pm. To sign up for the call, click to the registration page and complete the information before it fills up.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
