When they can’t stop

In working with the addictive behaviors, one of the simple truths is that ‘they do not think like other people think’. This also applies to cheating. Although a healthy person enjoys an open bar without abusing it, the addict often wants to make sure that they ‘get their fair share’ from the open bar. One is never enough. They want “MORE!”. They often feel deprived when they are not obtaining what they see as what they are entitled to. When it comes to relationships, a healthy person understands commitment and finds one woman or one man enough. The unhealthy, addicted mind wants “MORE!”. One is not enough for them. They want to indulge and chase after the chemical high they obtain from the experience. Keeping that ‘buzz’ going is the top priority.

Keeping a similar buzz going with cheating is what the addicted cheater seeks. The excitement of the chase and secrecy adds to the adrenalin rush associated with the activity. When the addicted cheater is in such a mindset, they are not thinking about consequences. They will say whatever they need to in order to reduce pain. When they are in this mindset, they may be sincere in what they say, but keep in mind, they are being driven by the addiction. They are saying and doing what they need to in order to ‘score’. They continue chasing after the thrill. Stopping would mean they would have to learn a new way of living life. They would have to change their self-image. They would have to change what they do for fun. They are not willing to do that.

If you find yourself faced with such persons, it is aggravating. Their behavior and thinking may not make sense to you. It does not make sense, because the addictive behavior is driving things, not their logic. If you try to apply logic, it will be a frustrating and nonsensical effort. They will have you believing that the problem is you. Their actions may leave you feeling inadequate and confused. Like the old expression “The problem does not lie with your television set”, in such situations, the problem does not lie with you. It is with the addictive brain that is housed inside your spouse’s skull. The thinking and drives of that brain is where the distortions and problems lie.

If you want more on cheating, you may want to sign up at my YouTube channel where I deal with many of the questions associated with affairs.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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