Few people in High School dream of being on the second team. Whether it be in terms of sports or the cheer squad, the second or back up team does not have the value and the status of the first team. Likewise in marriage, no one wants to pledge their honor, love and loyalty to being on the second team. That may work for harems, but for a vast majority of marriages, people prefer one man and one woman, with no second team.
When a cheater has an affair, it automatically relegates the spouse to second team (or second fiddle). Although the cheater may never have intended it that way. By default, you become a person of secondary importance. Although no one said that you were not good enough, the actions and choices of the cheater have put you on the second team.
Cheaters, you need to recognize that your actions have left your spouse feeling devalued. They were not seen as ‘enough’ for you. If you are serious about healing your marriage, you will need to re-assert their value. Continuing in the affair keeps them as the ‘back-up team’. It is hard to keep up any kind of enthusiasm when you are placed on the back-up team. It feels like you are the door prize, or the consolation gift rather than the main object of a spouses affection.
Healing involves more than just forgiving.
The Affair Recovery Group addresses many of the topics involved with affairs with support from those who have been there.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
