In preparing for a webinar on trust, I discovered that the word ‘mistrust’ has the same root as ‘misery’. On one level, you may find that ‘interesting’.
I think it’s more than that. When you distrust someone, there are many unpleasant consequences.
When the person you distrust (or mistrust) is your spouse, it’s especially devastating and painful. Your marriage relationship is a key source of stability in your life.
Your physical, mental and emotional health are impacted when your distrust your spouse. Distrusting your spouse is akin to living with a bone out of socket. You may survive, yet every move reminds you of the problem.
When there’s a breach in your marriage relationship, it shakes you to your very core. It’s one thing to shiver, it is quite another being rocked to the core.
Even in scripture marriage is likened to joining together flesh and bone. When you are joined in such a connection, distrust amounts to bone trouble.
The world is keen on making the flesh connection, yet often forget adding how your spouse is connected as it were bone to bone.
It’s not just an expression in this case. Distrust in your marriage relationship changes you.
A breach in that relationship impacts your relationship with yourself, your peace of mind, your health and how you deal with the people who surround you. Mistrust is a serious thing.
In the coming weeks, there will be more posts on understanding trust, and what can be done in restoring trust. It really does make a difference how you begin rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
Getting your priorities out of sequence can make an even bigger emotional mess.
In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I present ways of repairing that trust. Damaged trust has consequences. Repaired trust brings healing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
My daughter was pregnant with their child during his affair of 6 months. His lover’s live in boyfriend called my daughter one month after my granddaughter was born. He came back to my daughter although she gave him the option to divorce. They are going to counseling now. My trust has been destroyed. I thought of him as my own son. My daughter wants the extended family to reunite. I told her I would reunite 12 weeks after therapy began. That will be in one month. I am very afraid to extend my trust to him when I am not sure if he is sincere. You are right in that I only see a small part of their lives together, but I wonder how I can eat across the dinner table with him again. I wish you would write more about how the extended family copes with the betrayal and the mistrust. My husband thinks of him now as a “paycheck”. My daughter says unless we reunite the family, “it won’t work”. He wants to apologize to me and my husband. What is the appropriate way to handle this? What are the boundaries? I would like to ask him questions-what is appropriate?
Deborah,
Thanks for commenting. I will go ahead and do more entries dealing with extended families and affairs. The extended family has some additional challenges of having to deal with the emotional impact of the affair, while having little if any control or say so over the events or how they are dealt with. You have a whammy to face, plus seeing your child hurting, plus the possibility of hurting grandchildren while having to show restraint on what you can say and do. That is a TOUGH situation to deal with.
The extended family hurts are very real and are often ignored or downplayed. I will address some of these challenges in upcoming posts.
As a young man suffering from manic depressive disorder, stability is essential for my mental health. When I found out that my fiance had completely given up on our relationship, and had been using me for the past 6 months (her words), I completely lost my mind. We were at different colleges so I called her that night and cursed her viciously. I completely lost any self control that I had. It was the most terrifying experience of my lifetime. I had no idea what I was doing, what I was going to do; I had numerous thoughts of mass homicide. To protect myself from my own mind, I tried to kill it with a drug overdose. Miraculously I survived, and for the last year I haven’t been exhibiting the same degree of insanity.
I never would have imagined that a simple violation of my trust could drive me to such extremes. Nobody realizes how deeply our relationships with other people affect our relationships with ourselves. I’ve made the personal decision not to trust anybody from now on. It’s kept me safe thus far.
Mike,
You situation dramatically shows how our relationships with others often have more impact than anyone imagines. Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you survived the whole episode.