Yesterday in the webinar with Doug and Linda of EmotionalAffair, we addressed the topic of “Rebuilding Trust with your Spouse”. This was the third in a fascinating series on trust.
During the webinar, the question was asked, “Which comes first, trust or forgiveness?” I found the question fascinating to consider. Both are needed in rebuilding the relationship and people want to know which one you need to start with.
My answer is ‘trust’.
The reasoning is that it often takes a long time for forgiveness to take place. You will need to begin trusting in the relationship before you have totally forgiven them Even if it is just trusting your spouse with the little tangible things, trust will need to be rebuilt.
Trust in a post-affair relationship is different than the trust in a pre-affair relationship. The whole nature and type of trust is different. I’ll address how it changes in another future post.
For the moment, you need to start somewhere on rebuilding the foundation of your marriage. Trust is a good place to start affair recovery. Forgiveness on the other hand is necessary, but makes for a lousy starting point.
You can start with small things like trusting them with where they are going, who they are calling, handling financial matters, etc. When they handle these tasks, then you can move on to those requiring more emotional sensitivity.
When it comes to forgiveness, I lay it all out in the video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”. The video takes you step by step through forgiveness, health issues related to forgiveness and points out the difference between forgiveness and repentance and many other things you need to know.
Forgiveness impacts your health and your mind. Each day you allow hurts to fester, it poisons each of these areas. You and your marriage need healing.
Rather than spend another day hurting, order yours today.
Best Regards,
Jeff
