When I recently saw the question “am I a burden to my husband?”, I cringed. It was hard for me to conceive that a spouse felt that they were a burden to their husband or wife, and that it is so widespread.
I have seen some cases, where due to health concerns, one spouse was a burden to their partner. Keeping in mind that the health burdens, whether physical or emotional require different answers, let us look deeper into this question concerning being a burden.
First, when you and your spouse make vows on your wedding day, that you “promise to love, honor and cherish in ‘sickness’ and in health”, it means something to me. In marriages where one spouse is a burden, they may need to remind themselves of their promises and what they mean. If you are married to an oath-breaker who does not value their vows, to them, cheating is no big deal. When the marriage is viewed as a ‘contract’, the cheater often looks for the out clause.
The question comes up in my mind, “Is the wife really a burden or is the husband brainwashing her to think that she is?” If you buy into a cheater’s ‘brainwashing’ delusion, it can be painful and confusing. You wonder what is the truth? Are you a burden? Are you a ‘bad’ spouse? and other questions that only serve to make the torment worse.
If you are dealing with such a situation, you may need to start with yourself. Choose to no longer believe the lies. Choose a different reality than the one being foisted upon you by the cheater. When you are mentally caught in such a lie, your mind may find itself looking for evidence to either confirm or deny the cheaters allegations. If you are on that merry-go-round…stop the thing and get off! As long as you are trying to play by the cheater’s rules, you will loose. Give yourself permission to NOT play by the cheater’s rules, including the cheaters reality.
In the event that you are a burden to your spouse, it is not the end of the world. It is not an insurmountable problem. Sit down and work out a game plan for how the two of you can change that. You being a burden is not really the problem, it is the cheater not wanting to accept the responsibility for dealing with burdens and breaking promises that is really the problem.
This is just where to start. It would take longer to lay out a whole recovery plan. I address these kinds of issues in my e-book, “How to Cope with a Cheating Spouse”. If you prefer an audio format with more annotation, check out the whole webinar, “Sure-Fire Secrets to Restoring Your Marriage after an Affair.”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
2 Responses
Though this verse is taken out of its context the truth revealed that everyone who marries is going to have “TROUBLE”
1 Cor 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
There it is…the reason for this is also found in the wisdom of scripture….
Mark 10:18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.
OK then…that clears things up…Hollywood is wrong
No perfect defect people exist
As those born into the Fallen world as a result of Adam’s rebellion all people are born dead in trespasses and sin!
There’s actuall some good this news brings…..it encourages the willingness to seek the solution to dealing with this state!
Alas Humanism denies this truth along with the solution of a Saviour which would not only save us from the end game of being subject to judgement by a Holy God without hope
But the complete plan by the debt being fully paid by Jesus Christ
Iit also gives us a far better understanding of what we deal with in terms of navigating our own flesh by way of the power of the Hoky Spirit and the information supplied in scripture by the Creater…..we have at our disposal THE MANUAL for all things pertaining to life and godliness
2 Peter 1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
Keeping us ignorant of these truths is the operation of the system aka “mystery of iniquity” the world’s replacement of truth with shiny offerings of fantasy and romance novel/movies that keep the dream of the pagan rooted “soulmate” going on those unaware that the spouse you have only presents different annoying aspects that all fallen humans must deal with
All “greener grass” sooner or later needs weeding!
Faithful couples in marriage still prove that the renewed mind and the way God defines and supplies His kind of love to those who have enough integrity of conscience to care….marriage is all and more than any pseudo form of it displayed by lying doctrines of contemporary culture can come up with
Unfortunately by the time people realize this truth they may have already dumped a person they had only begun to delve the depths of their own character to bring forth the good fruit of faithful and diligent WORK mentally and spiritually to enjoy the “crop” of long term contentment “with such things that you have”
Thankfulness goes a long way to appreciate and value what you have
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1Ti 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
So many keys in Gods word untangle the deceptions effecting marriages and families today
Misunderstanding marriage is the sand upon which many suffer
Matt 7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Matt 7:27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
Let those who have ears to hear take heed
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing that. There is definitely a lot of heavy material to consider in what you wrote.
Hollywood definitely feeds into people’s fantasies rather than reality. It both gives an escape and creates unrealistic expectations as well. Those expectations include shaping concepts of physical attractiveness, role modeling, and shaping the world view of those watching it. One aspect of this I address in my material on the “111-minute expectation” which covers one way those movies shape the way couples resolve conflict and what they expect to happen.
Those same movies shape the values of their audience as well. Lately the movies have focused on changing the perception of marriage and families. It is social engineering in the name of entertainment. It is intentional and directed. They are shaping the viewers. Unfortunately, one of the by-products is that with the unrealistic expectations being created, it weakens marriages and increases dissatisfaction in relationships. In seeking the man or woman of your dreams, it leaves the seeker in a constant state of disappointment. No one ever satisfies them, so the viewer goes to the next movie seeking more. The movie industry has the viewer consuming more and more of its product because they now have an insatiable thirst for what is being given to them, yet that thirst is never satisfied.
Such a model makes for a profitable business, yet wreaks havoc on marriages.
Jeff