When I recently saw the question “am I a burden to my husband?”, I cringed. It was hard for me to conceive that a spouse felt that they were a burden to their husband or wife, and that it is so widespread.
I have seen some cases, where due to health concerns, one spouse was a burden to their partner. Keeping in mind that the health burdens, whether physical or emotional require different answers, let us look deeper into this question concerning being a burden.
First, when you and your spouse make vows on your wedding day, that you “promise to love, honor and cherish in ‘sickness’ and in health”, it means something to me. In marriages where one spouse is a burden, they may need to remind themselves of their promises and what they mean. If you are married to an oath-breaker who does not value their vows, to them, cheating is no big deal. When the marriage is viewed as a ‘contract’, the cheater often looks for the out clause.
The question comes up in my mind, “Is the wife really a burden or is the husband brainwashing her to think that she is?” If you buy into a cheater’s ‘brainwashing’ delusion, it can be painful and confusing. You wonder what is the truth? Are you a burden? Are you a ‘bad’ spouse? and other questions that only serve to make the torment worse.
If you are dealing with such a situation, you may need to start with yourself. Choose to no longer believe the lies. Choose a different reality than the one being foisted upon you by the cheater. When you are mentally caught in such a lie, your mind may find itself looking for evidence to either confirm or deny the cheaters allegations. If you are on that merry-go-round…stop the thing and get off! As long as you are trying to play by the cheater’s rules, you will loose. Give yourself permission to NOT play by the cheater’s rules, including the cheaters reality.
In the event that you are a burden to your spouse, it is not the end of the world. It is not an insurmountable problem. Sit down and work out a game plan for how the two of you can change that. You being a burden is not really the problem, it is the cheater not wanting to accept the responsibility for dealing with burdens and breaking promises that is really the problem.
This is just where to start. It would take longer to lay out a whole recovery plan. I address these kinds of issues in my e-book, “How to Cope with a Cheating Spouse”. If you prefer an audio format with more annotation, check out the whole webinar, “Sure-Fire Secrets to Restoring Your Marriage after an Affair.”
Jeffrey D. Murrah
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.