One of the many drawbacks of living in such a fast-paced, instant answer society is that you find your expectations tied to time. You want to know when things will happen and how long it takes for healing.
When it comes to affairs, you want to know “How long the suffering will go on?”, “When can I trust them again?” and “When will the relationship will ‘return to functional level’? “.
Such questions suppose that there’s a standard time frame for recovery. Such a time frame doesn’t exist.
Each affair is unique. Yes, there may be similarities to other affairs, but each episode has some unique qualities which make ‘skeleton key’ answers fail.
In terms of “How long will it be before I can trust again?” , you’ll need to first address the question of “Who it is that you lost trust in?”
I know that you lost trust in the cheater, but what about yourself? If you doubt your own self, it will be hard to trust others.
If you’ve drifted into the paranoid position of not trusting anyone or thinking that all members of the opposite sex are untrustworthy, it’s going to be a LOOOOONG time before you trust again.
The simple answer starts with “When are you going to start trusting your own choices?” “When are you going to start trusting your own gut?” When you start that process, you are on your way to trusting again.
The lessons you learn in trusting yourself and your choices guide you in rebuilding the broken trust with your spouse.
If you’re not sure where or how to start, you’re invited to check out my video “How Can I Trust You Again?”
Best Regards,
Jeff
