Displacement of Affection

One of the ways cheaters avoid dealing with issues and the accompanying pain is to displace them onto other things. That way they still have emotional reactions. They may cry and react passionately to the injury of a pet, or animal, they may even have strong reactions to a movie. In terms of their reactions, they really feel the emotions they claim to, be it sadness, fear, hurt, etc. Their reactions are also likely to be strong in comparison to what they are reacting to. This strong reaction is part of the displacement of their affect.

In the case of pets or animals, they are concerned based largely on how they benefit from the animal or pet. Pets often give unconditional love. When those pets or other animals are injured, the cheater may ‘over-react’ to the situation. The source of their love and affection has been interfered with. Any threat to them receiving affection is a major concern to cheaters. Due to this they often intervene and react to the wrong triggers. To them, they are the right triggers, since they are considering only their needs.

Don’t expect them to face the consequences of their own actions and how it impacted others. They do not want to deal with that. Instead they will deal with other crises to distract their attention. If you attempt to intervene, they often come back with claims that you are ‘heartless’, “uncaring”, ‘unfeeling’ or some other adjective associated with lack of connection. This is often surprising in light of how you may have viewed them as being ‘heartless’, ‘uncaring’, or ‘unfeeling’ when it came to dealing with the impact of their affair.

You are not the one going crazy. The ‘Displacement of Affection’ commonly occurs with affairs, when cheaters do not want to deal with any reminders of their actions.

For more on learning how to deal with an affair, consider my e-course on the topic.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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