Although mass media does their best to have you believe that infidelity is cool. Their pages are filled with the beautiful people who are brimming with lust and overflowing with money, the reality stands in stark contrast to that image.
It’s as if they are sending the message “Infidelity is the key to success” or “successful people have affairs.”
The reality is that cheaters are often losers. They’ve not been able to hold onto their wives, husbands or close relationships.
They know how to start conversations, and get them going, but they don’t know how to keep relationships. They don’t know how to ‘close the deal’ when it comes to committing to relationships.
When a cheater does their thing with someone else’s spouse, both are losers. They loose out on what they had.
They loose out on security, commitment, stability and love. By chasing the newer, flashier, shiny objects, they end up loosing the most solid relationships in their lives.
Although the loser hooks up with losers, in their twisted thinking, they assume that they are winning. The whole episode is sad. What they think they have in the affair relationship is not real, and they often left the real relationships behind.
They miss out on having someone who loves them when they are angry. They miss out on having someone who sticks when them when everyone else abandons them. They miss out on the confidence that being with you is the right thing to do and the clear conscience that comes with that.
Having a clear conscience is a powerful tool, as is honesty, yet the cheater misses out on each of these. They’ll never know the joy of having a spotless reputation.
Instead, they are followed by a dark cloud of shame that clings to them like a bad odor. They may strive for a good reputation in parts of their life such as business or a neighborhood leader. Even these are cover-ups designed for hiding the secretive shame of what they’ve done.
The cheater often becomes a magnet for losers in their life. The attract other losers both with the affair and the baggage that comes with it. It is not to far to say that they begin attracting more losers.
After surrounding themselves with the losers, they seek their counsel. Like the blind leading the blind, the losers, validate the cheater and encourage them to continue cheating for various reasons from “You deserve to be happy” or “Your just a man/woman”, to “the lover is better than your spouse”.
Whatever the content of the blah, blah, blah, it only validates what the cheater believes. They make the cheater feel that what they are doing is right, if only for them. When the losers are really twisted, they make it sound like God approves of their cheating as well, which makes the cheater feel less guilty.
The bottom line is that infidelity is for losers. It is a sure way to lose good people from out of your life along with their support and counsel.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey
4 Responses
Indeed,,,the term ‘loser’ is so true….Many who have money , power or just plain large egos do not realize that ‘loser’ is defined by GOD as those who may gain the WHOLE WORLD but LOSE their own soul!
{BTW….love you Jeff…but …I think you write in a hurry as sometimes my spelling suffers from working fast or writing too fast….loose’ is like when you have a wiggly tooth …or loose shoes that can fall off ….
Lose it when you cannot find something or you have lost it….or as you pointed out Losers LOSE out when they engage in adultery …or singles really LOSE out because they aim too low or settle for being USED …and they lose the great life they were intended to grow as GOD desires all to take Him at His word and live by knowledge of Him and listening to HIM as he will guide those who are willing to listen to His word and are wise to apply what HE advises….
Eph 5:17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord [is].
How can I only put a verse or two here of this Proverb …it is SO applicable to what you have posted here….
Proverbs 5
King James Version (KJV)
5 My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding:
2 That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.
7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.
8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:
9 Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:
10 Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger;
11 And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed,
12 And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;
13 And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!
14 I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly.
15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.
22 His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.
23 He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
There is NO NEED for a person to be a loser in this life but one must stop to RECEIVE WISE COUNSEL
Many have risen up in the world …take advantage of ‘losers’ who are really people who are foolish , and unlearned or even with the women who accept the offers of men ..they are broken, many without having been raised to value themselves and may not value anyone else’s life feeling entitled to get whatever they can for themselves …maybe having thought since no one has cared about them or for them …so they believe they are losers and will take whatever means or road it takes .
Living that way is an endless road of desire unfulfilled and loss….so yes ..it is so true ..they are losers who have voted they are many times and they will take what they have not been taught they could hope for ….feeling they are not worth it …
Whatever the past condition of their lives our LORD Jesus Christ loved them …and does love them and they are of GREAT value …
This society has convinced many of us that we are only of value for WHAT we do for the STATE …
One friend of mine called it the ‘coin of the realm of the world is ‘beauty , brains or bucks’ and it is so true..the propaganda of all that many generations have bought as the truth has wrought generations void of the knowledge of what the Lord actually does offer in HIS testimony of the whole of scripture…and have wandered into the way that ‘seemeth right’…which the Lord says ENDS IN DEATH
I am deeply wounded by my husbands choices …being encouraged by his rise in his career …and the offering of a young woman who apparently thought adultery with a married man and being available to one in particular who appeared to have all the ability to make her dreams come true …even though married…SHE Settled …she lost her whole span of time when she might have found her OWN man …
She traded a future of being a wife and mother …for being a ‘mistress’ and then to gain more …knowing he would not leave his wife …from the very first encounter and every now and then over their 14 year relationship that he was NEVER interested in marriage with her …but SHE desired children ..but not for the same reason many young women do ….she wanted the CASH that came with further extorting from us the means to live without any accountability ….this equals blackmail
She did not want marriage …she ‘settled’ as my husband liked to think ..all the while feeling the responsibility for HER choices….and thus …continued to pay and pay and pay ..and she is STILL sucking off our family and does not even care properly for the children she so ‘longed to have ‘ but used the plea that because she was involved with my husband she ‘missed ‘ her opportunities to meet a man that she might marry
A TOTAL lie…as most women know around the age when she started the arrangment that SHE offered my husband …they already know if they want to marry and have children they do not enter in and stay in an arrangment where they KNOW and have a lengthy experience that it is not going to lead to marriage
They zero in on a man who has an indication that he is not going to leave his wife ..and he is a man who prides himself in being responsible..and has means…and VOILA…she has hit the motherlode
“Loser’ yes….she lost so much but she would not stop at that she had to involve two innocent children in the losses that SHE created by way of her ‘reproductive ‘ ‘rights’ !!!
They lost what should have been a child’s life with a family …a full time father and two parents married to one another …for life
Oh and yes…I am and my children are losers too …in another way ..WE LOST the time , energy , attention , and finances this woman PRESUMED my husband could ‘afford’
The losses continue ….our past …our confidence in our OWN perception of what a trustworthy person looks like….and acts like….our present relationship which has been fragmented by the fact that my husband has retreated from being a husband and father though here …as he works twice as hard to try to rebuild all that has been stolen from our financial stability …gone…as he invests what little emotional effort he has left toward trying to make up for all the neglect the OW does and damages as her comments are breaking down those children ….
SO our future as husband and wife as the golden years were going to be ours to enjoy together finally …our daughters future may be delayed to the point where they and our son may doubt their own ability to recognize a trustworthy person ..as their father always seemed like such a kind, generous , compassionate person and man of integrity!
We may not even have married children let along grandchildren
So the “losers’ have cost MANY people …past , present and future ..even WITH a godly understanding of the healing and life that we may have as we revbuild and rebound from such a tsunmai …it is not many places one can go to read the truth about how this kind of activity effects so many people that the cheaters ‘never meant to hurt’ because ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’
OH YES IT DOES …and HAS …and much of it the cheaters have lost themselves that they cannot go back and enjoy…their cheating COST them even the enjoyment of their families…and wives …even as they THOUGHT they were able to ‘compartmentalize’ …EVERY MEMORY is touched with the realization that it was MICRO MANAGED reality …
So …yes….THEY ARE LOSERS…..but all that they cheat on are LOSERS TOO …not in the same context…but as you can see ..they did NOT ‘count the cost’ of their choices…they may have THOUGHT they provided well for the ‘needs’ of their families..while cheating ..but this is simply IGNORANCE and ARROGANCE
IF they cared enough to consider that they were ‘taking care ‘ of their families by way of providing well in material support…they missed so much ..and stole so much from those who waited for them to ‘have the time’ to come home and play …eat with …and enjoy …their children and wife.
This kind of “STEALING ” the OW need to think about ..but seldom do
What is hard for me is that my husband and the OW .planned to make sure I was ‘sufficiently ‘ taken care of …THEY THOUGHT in order for their own guilty consciences …despite the many times I wrote my husband notes…and tried to approach him with the needs that he was missing out on with his family …and with me ..and OUR needs that were more than just bill paying .
I was led to believe that MY contribution to our families finances was to spend minimally on our needs.
Because the attitude was that if I was not working outside the home I felt it was my part to not indulge
My husband did not want me to work because we had made that decision I would stay at home …but as he began to meet other women …suddenly I felt that he felt that HE was entitled to see the income as HIS and my contributions were not even considered
One time as we were told to ‘pull in the belt’ .and conserve …which I found out lately was during the time he was buying her a house…and a new Lexus and all her expenses as she had just had his new baby and we had been urged to move into a far smaller home which was very run down ..IT seemed to me that he only slept there so did not care that we were living in this condition….and it had no air conditioning while we were homeschooling ..this may not seem like any real hardship ..but he was driving a big Mercedes …making FAR more money than every …over six figures …
I did not ask about our finances because I trusted him ..all he had to tell me was that the market fell or something and I complied with his requests.
That duration he was under stresses…and I now know why ..guilt ..and her demands for a landscaper and gardener …our home was slowly getting some of it’s work done …
He complained if we were not at home during 100 degree temps …we had to go where we could cool off for a while …he had air conditioning ..his OW had it in her brand new home with the new baby …
He moved us and unsettled our family to be able to visit her and the new baby more easily ..
We were not suffering …because we thought we were all pulling together but one time while he was going through this ..which I thought was work stresses…he turned on me …and he never raised his voice to me but this time he turned and said .” What have you done for me lately”
We were all shocked as all of us had really done all we could to live our lives to support his ‘career’ and to be supportive of his needs WHENEVER he was home …which was often late …so he basically slept at home..and was often ‘not hungry’ or too late to eat with the family
ALL of what we experienced during his secret activity with the OW and the children they had ..was ‘managed’ so that he felt he was doing ‘enough’ for us ..and that the OW ‘needed’ him …or I believe and he does too now ..that SHE made him feel that she would crack up if he did not continue
Even now he says that he feels he needs to be in the kids lives so that SHE knows someone is watching out for them and aware of what she does …when she leaves them alone .
I believe she knows this about him and is using her position ..by not keeping food in the house all the time …and leaving them alone because she knows this worries him and he WILL take on what she does not want to do!
He will not change this …he has been sleeping upstairs now since last November…he treats me and our daughters like his own private ‘support group’ since he cannot change the past he has made the statement time and again that he has done too much damage and ‘cannot do this anymore’
His reference to ‘this’ is a very weak effort to try to work to heal …himself ..me and our marriage and address the issues which our daughters have
So much for me to share ..sorry ..lengthy again….thank you for making a place for me to share …sometimes it hurts so much ..but I am working through this …I will get past it …and am sharing what I learn with my daughters..
The thing is that the man who did this damage would be able to offer so much more to our daughters but he is conflict avoid-ant…and his anger that comes out whenever I try to discuss any of this with him …has caused our daughters ..not to fear …no I think it is just that children of people who do this do not want to risk MORE rejection …it is not overt…but it is a realization that his choices over all their growing years he did not care to invest the time in THEM and WITH them that he did with the OW and NOW he is investing in the other children
Though they are older…in their twenties ..it STILL hurts them and maybe even more since they KNOW all the situation .
Understanding that the choices made were deliberate and costly to them as children ..that he preferred the OW to being WITH THEM each evening and even took half of our annual vacations to be with her rather than stay with us ….so many details that older children realize …it is really devastating .
He is more and more like a man who has had the air let out of his real person ..it is very sad….!
For all concerned ..so though I read some of the sites where the OW rant or complain I have to say that no one forced them to get involved with a married man! They are so shallow and selfish …particularly ones like this one that KNEW from the start that she was taking the very life of our marriage and from our children …
THESE are DARK VESSELS…..EMPTY and void of not just understanding of the damages they do to others…but to themselves..they do not care as long as they get what they want
Even ‘working girls’ …prostitutes who have become followers of Jesus Christ have SOME standards and do not help marriages but they do not want to destroy the man’s marriage and family . they have testified that they did not WANT or RESPECT the men …and certainly …though they would like to have the happy ending perhaps …they did not want to break up a family …SOME had this kind of attitude anyway.
Well …I have REALLY gone on again …sorry …
Zaza,
Thank you again for your comments. You are right about the ‘coin of the realm’. Many losers do not see themselves as losers due to their perspective. Affairs look very different from God’s perspective. I also appreciate the feedback on my writing. There are times that errors occur. I do find it ironic how mistakes about loser and looser, etc. have some insights as well.
Heeehhee….how true….Not all ‘typos’ go without possible ‘lessons’ !