I realize that my previous post left matters vague regarding moral foundations. In an effort to simplify matters, once your spouse has cheated, can they say ‘no’ to any future affairs. You may also wonder whether they can say ‘no’ to any kind of self-denial. Once they are used to giving into their whims, cheaters to not like being told no, either by themselves or others. They prefer “go for it!” or “why not?” or some other excuse for self-indulgence.
Self-discipline takes time. Once the affair is over, the cheater will still have to learn and practice self-discipline. They will have to learn how to put others ahead of their own selfish interests. They will have to learn to look at how their actions impact others. Not only will they have to look at the impact, they will have to consider it across the time-space continuum. The affair may look like it is over now, but what are the long term effects? They may have alienated more people than they realize. Cheaters are often well acquainted with their own pain and hurting, yet do not give the same regard to that of others. They are so used to bending things in a selfish manner, they often have not considered other ways of looking at things or looking at their actions from other perspectives. When they do consider other perspectives, it is assumed that the others look at the situation like they do and are driven by the same urges and thoughts.
Bottom line, the tough question is ‘Can they say no’. A tougher question is ‘where are they getting the strength from to say no?’ Are they saying no because they feel that it is wrong, or is it because they do not want to get caught or that they are tired of the embarrassment, or do they think that they can not get away with it this time? The motive for saying ‘no’ is often telling.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
