Although it sounds good to be totally honest with cheaters about the affair and your inability to trust them, there are times when you can’t trust them and can’t tell them so. When your spouse is physically threatening your life, it is a difficult time to be honest with them.
Such situations can and do happen. I find that people often get their angriest when they are told the truth about something that they don’t want to hear.
Narcissists and Borderline Personalities have strong reactions when told truths that they don’t want to hear. They have ways of turning telling them the truth into a situation where your safety is at risk. It becomes a question of honesty versus safety.
When you’re faced with an honesty or safety dilemma, what should you do?
In such cases, saving life is the priority. Although it would be best to be honest as well, there are times that you have to introduce honesty a little at a time.
Some cheaters, especially those with violent tendencies or mental health concerns require some special handling. It could also be that the violent person may be the lover or some other third party.
Although I would prefer such situations didn’t exist, the reality is that they do occur. They are rare, but they do happen.
In life threatening situations, you have bigger things to be concerned about. You need to save your life and your children’s lives. Once you are safe, then you can return to the issue and start the honesty.
If you are not telling your cheating spouse that you can’t trust them due to personal discomfort or your own fears about rejection the situation calls for increasing the amount of honesty.
Not being honest in such cases only prolongs the pain. Confronting your own fears is not an easy task to accomplish.
In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, you’ll learn ways of creating healthy trust and honesty. Many people don’t know where to start in rebuilding trust. You can be one of those who knows not only where to start, but have a clear idea of what it takes to have honesty and trust.
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
There is evidence in scripture where Jesus said something and ..like the ‘grapevine’ game it was spread abroad that he said something different. When people are emotional or have spent a lot of time developing lies to hide sin they often do not hear what is said AS it was said but seem to have heard a whole different idea!
Jhn 21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what [shall] this man [do]?
Jhn 21:22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what [is that] to thee? follow thou me.
Jhn 21:23 Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, that that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what [is that] to thee?
See how that goes!
When someone has been cheating for a length of time they perceive everything through a lens that has been formed over their understanding that sort of placates to their own version.
In our case. My husband had a lengthy relationship with a woman who was willing to lie, cheat, steal from our family …She was manipulative…and NOW he understands more of how she really did manipulate HIM .
I have never done anything for him to distrust me or doubt my motives. I have never manipulated him or anyone else for that matter…I did not feel there was any need to or any benefit to living that way .
However he now does not trust me . I feel his own willingness and ability to lie, cheat and steal causes him to think that others will be the same even after my having proven my character over 30 + years .
There is a saying ..:”The devil accuses of what he himself does’
Seems to be so.
Zaza,
Affairs often blind and bind those who are caught up in them. Scripture talks about women like your husband’s lover and how they hold their victims hostage in the book of Ecclesiastes (7:26). It also talks about the only way men can escape such domination. Although it gives the recipe for escaping them, many men often choose bondage rather than freedom.
26 And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.
Good reference ….thank you …It seems that all kinds of snares abound today …the ultimate way to escape from all of the ways sin snags the unwary is to submit to GOD …and then it also works to resist the Devil …at the same time.
The key is to have enough ‘fear of GOD ‘ to take seriously the reality of the end of a lifespan.