Your ideas about marriage may be creating a schizophrenic marriage monster. By schizophrenic, I mean that your marriage may be attempting to live in two separate world at the same time. When you try to live in two separate worlds with two totally different world views, it can leave you feeling ‘crazy’. Many of you have been influence by the Postmodern idea that the marriage relationship is about being ‘happy’ and filled with sexual delights. Your vision may be one of days of blissful sex and ‘feel goodies’. When the day comes that those expectations are not met, you believe that you have ‘fallen out of love’. With the falling out of love, you may go seeking a new playmate with whom you can enjoy a blissful existence filled with happy thoughts and great sex. This postmodern view is often what Hollywood sells us. It has more akin to fairy tales than to real life.
The alternative, traditional idea is recognizing that marriage is a life-long commitment to your spouse. It is a commitment where the two of you raise children together and share the struggles and joys along the way. It is a tradition that was started in Eden and continues through today. One man and one woman together for life.
The schizophrenia is when your mind is filled with the postmodern ideas yet you claim to hold to the traditional values. Fighting tooth and nail to save a marriage that has more in common with fairy tales yet talking like you have traditional values is schizophrenic. If you think that I am being harsh, consider your churches. How many of the people there have been divorced and remarried because they fell out of love or believed that God wanted them to ‘be happy’?
This is important when it comes to affairs. If you hold to the postmodern idea, it is only logical that if you are not happy that you should find someone who makes you happy. It also follows that if you wanted blissful sex and that has become boring, that you find someone who can bring excitement into your sex life. If you hold to postmodern ideas, do not be surprised when postmodern solutions occur.
If, on the other hand you hold to traditional views of marriage, where it is a life long one man one woman commitment, you will have to let go of the post modern ideas of ‘happiness’ and great sex being the benchmarks of how good your marriage is and whether or not you stay together.
You need to be consistent in how you conduct your marriage. Your ideas and behaviors about marriage need to be the same. Those inconsistencies may be contributing to a crazy making situation and crazy making choices.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
