In our microwave dominated era, you want things fast. You want fast food, fast responses to customer service and fast recovery from your spouse’s affair. On the surface, such thinking looks harmless, yet the thinking behind it “I want what I want WHEN I want it and how I want it!” is not so different than the cheater’s thinking. In their case, they wanted instant gratification. In your case, you want instant healing. The obsession with instant results represents a moral compromise on your part. In order to stop this instant obsession Merry-Go-Round, you will instead want to do the ‘right thing’ and wait for healing in the ‘right time’ and allow the healing to occur in the ‘right way’. Anything less than that is incomplete healing. Things may look good on the surface, yet your heart continues being tormented with doubts, uncertainty and fear. You may even wonder if you are going crazy in the sense that your spouse is back, the relationship looks functional again, yet something does not ‘feel’ right. It does not feel right because it is incomplete. That incomplete healing is often the result of trying to rush it.
Emotions often take longer to heal than physical damage. A broken heart takes longer than a broken arm. Allowing time for the healing to finish its work is important for you and for your marriage. Just because you can see no physical damage does not mean that all is well. Affairs shake relationships to their foundation. Intimacy, trust, honesty and commitment are all damaged by an affair. Each of these areas will take time to heal, both in terms of the emotional piece and also your thinking.
I know that one of the most difficult parts of recovery is often allowing things to rest. The rest often allows the damaged parts of your body to start regenerating and healing. In a similar manner rest allows the emotions and your thoughts to start their healing process as well.
Rather than rush the healing, allow healing to finish its work in your life, your heart and your mind.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
