Intima-phobia

As bizarre as it seems, many cheaters are terrified of intimacy. They may enjoy passionate sex, but intimacy is more than sex. A cheater may have been through a lot of relationships, but that does not mean that they know how to have intimacy. If you have been through serial marriages, you may know how to marry and divorce, but that does not mean that you know how to foster intimacy in your relationships.

Confusing the two terms often bring massive heartaches. Intimacy deals more with two being being able to share and connect with each other. This connecting is more than just ‘hooking up’. It is about being vulnerable and allowing the other person to be vulnerable as well. Cheaters often want the sex without the vulnerability. They want the hooking up without the connecting. They recognize that when you are vulnerable and allow someone else to connect with you, there are responsibilities, there is the potential of being hurt and of hurting. Rather than risk the possibility of being hurt or inflicting hurt, they run from it. Although society demonizes phobias like islamaphobia, homophobia and so forth, little is mentioned about intima-phobia. This fear of intimacy has destroyed many marriages and contributed to numerous affairs.

Instead of running from intimacy, it is important to learn what intimacy is and how it can be nurtured and developed in your own marriage. Since your parents may not have been the best role models when it comes to intimacy, you may not know as much about it as you need to. If you are looking for television or movie role models for intimacy, they are lacking as well. Intimacy is not something that instantly appears. Intimacy takes time to develop. It needs nurturing and care.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

PS In my e-book of surviving your partners affair, there is a chapter on re-establishing intimacy using the SPRIG principle.

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