Slander and Affairs

Lies often receive more than their fair share of attention when you are dealing with affairs. Although lies are often in the spotlight, their cousin, ‘slander’ also does its share of damage. Slander is when others say things about you or your spouse that are not true. When an affair happens, you are often surrounded by a whirlwind of stories, lies and assumptions. Part of them are true and many are not true. The slander may come from family members, friends, the lover or some other source. What makes slander bad is that you are not always in a position to deny every accusation or make the false accuser take them back. Once the damage is done, you have to deal with its effects.

When there is an affair, you along with the cheater are sitting targets. What makes it worse is that the more you deny the slander, the worse things look. Since society often judges people based on appearances, the appearance of wrong doing is often enough all that is needed to damage you and your family.

So how can you deal with slander?

start by choosing not to validate it. When the slander comes, make a conscious choice to deny it. Do not even entertain it for argument sake. Allowing the slander to go unanswered in your mind amounts to validating it. Even if you have to keep a straight face, in your self-conversation, deny the slander. Choose not to accept the slanderous comment. You can tell yourself, “I understand that you believe that such and such happened, but …it is not so” or “It is sad that you believe the lie that such and such happened.” The more you let the slanderous lies into your heart and mind, the more pain you will struggle with.

The slander may involve the cheater, it may also involve you. Some of the more damaging slander involves either sexual or financial misdeeds. When the attacker can damage your reputation, they no longer have to listen to what you have to say, no matter how truthful it is. The purpose of slander is to ‘neutralize’ you.

If you have any further comments or insights on slander, I welcome hearing from you.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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