Although it is unpleasant to consider, one of the ugly truths about affairs is that they are ‘organized wrong doing‘ ( I was going to say affairs are organized criminal conspiracies, but my wife said that’s taking it too far).
Unless you’re dealing with a one-night stand or date rape, an affair is an organized conspiracy. At the very least, the conspiracy involves the cheater and their lover.
In some cases, the lover may have a larger organization behind them. On the surface, it may appear to be their friends and acquaintances, yet the reality is that they are actually conspirators.
The cheater’s work associates may also be conspirators in the affair as well. When they cover up the cheater’s actions with lies or claim not knowing anything, they are conspiring with them.
You may say, “Jeff, you’re ‘over reacting!” When you find yourself matching wits with all those people, you’ll understand about the conspiracy.
You’ll feel like you hit a ‘wall’ of silence surrounding and protecting the cheater.
They’re often working together to outwit and play you. In some cases, you may get out of the situation after some harsh words, threats and turmoil.
In other cases, you may have to pay a ransom to either the courts, the lover or the lover’s family in order to get them to stay away from the cheater. When you have to pay the ransom, then you’ll understand how big the conspiracy is.
In some cases, they may be specifically targeting your spouse and your marriage. In others, the conspirators have an agenda to disrupt any marriage they can.
It just so happens that yours is the ‘marriage de jour’. There are many people who have an agenda to destroy marriages. In some cases, it is so that they can have a ‘payday’ in others, it is a mixture of plain meanness and revenge.
When some people will go so far as to murder in order to get their way, it is nothing for them to lie, deceive and conspire to squeeze money out of your family.
The conspiracy is real. It may not look like a terrorist cell where there are clandestine meetings in dark places and connections with shadowy political figures where they plot and plan their attacks.
Instead, the cheater and their lover may just be meeting secretly in dark places planning what they are going to do, being oblivious to the destruction and desolation it will bring into your life.
I have always been one who believed “if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, I consider it a ‘duck‘”. When the cheater meets in secret with their lover, makes plans in secret with others who are wanting to protect the cheater in their dark plans, and these meetings result in the destruction of your marriage, you’re dealing with a conspiracy.
You may not have seen it that way before, yet the reality is that this happens more often than you’d like.
When others lie for the cheater and hide the cheater’s activities from you, even to the point of manufacturing lies and deceitful stories, you’re definitely in the midst of a conspiracy. What makes it worse is that the conspiracy is always to do some kind of mischief.
Just accommodating the cheater and their lover makes them part of the conspiracy. Think about those who ‘know’ about the affair, yet keep silent due to fears of ruining friendships or threats. That sounds like a conspiracy or racket to me.
They may not always be doing something criminal, but you can rest assured it’s not wholesome.
When you’re tired of fighting the conspiracy and want a place of your own to go to, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find others going through recovery along with videos and resources to help you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
12 Responses
I could not agree more . I OUGHT to be punishable crime…but so far too many people gain from it . It is still astonishing how many I have come across who have suffered in such a deliberate arrangement …love having had NOTHING to do with it!
We are indeed living in desperately dark times I feel.
Errrr…NOT “I” ….should have been ‘IT” should be a punishable crime!
I and my children and the children that the OW ‘had’ to have without marriage are the victims of her PLANS .
Zaza,
Thank you for your input. In some older societies, it was a crime. In modern society many people make money from affairs, from family court judges, lawyers, private investigators, etc. When money is being made, the likelihood of the behavior ending is low. Although these groups will deny that any conspiracy exists, all you have to do is look at what they do. The way that the affair and its aftermath go down amounts to nothing more than a ‘shake down’ where you pay them off to let you alone. The problem is that the modern affair shake down denies it is one, while the organized crime shake down, like a mafia one are honest about a shake-down being a shake-down. You pay off the lawyers and judges to leave your family, kids and home alone. What gets wacky is when the cheater joins in with the other folks in the conspiracy.
I just came from a blog where there apparently are other wives dealing with the situation where some OW has decided to have a child or children with their husband for financial reason or perhaps to simply cause pain to the wife because they don’t want marriage but they want to feel the power of being ABLE to do what they do!
It is rather amazing to realize that generations upon generations now are so disconnected from the biblical standards of morality and decency that it is now considered ‘sport’ to try to gain control over men through sexual behaviors that were once reserved for prostitutes.
The secularization of our society has been long coming ,..progressively moving farther and farther away from any form of morality we once had more or less as a national standard .
How sorrowful to observe the fall out on children who are on the increase among those who have no experience with intact families ….either in their immediate families or among their communities.
This is abominable to see. Women who view children as nothing more than “pawns” in their own sick game . They assert their ‘rights’ at the expense of the child …either in abortion …or now as a means to get money!.
Zaza,
It saddens every time I hears such stories. In such cases, children become nothing more than chattel and a tool used in trapping a cheater. They are the golden key to either government ‘bennies’ or a way to blackmail the cheater. The cheater, who used the lover, then becomes a victim.
One principle from Scripture is that the attitude a woman has toward children often tells you a great deal about them. In such cases, it is clear that children are something to be used rather than someone to love.
That was my take when right after D Day …My husband said ‘ she is a nice person’ ….’she is just like YOU”!
I told him no way would I have children out of wedlock and I would not deliberately engage with a married man .
This woman had NO consideration for our children and when she wanted my husband to ‘give her children she made it clear that she wanted to be a ‘single mom by choice’ , These militant feminists are experts at the con they use to bring down men …and families. The hatred for morality, and whatever is considered to be of the conformity ‘ to the culture that we once had in terms of family values as a nation are what they wish to destroy.
I have just finished reading a book by Ray Comfort called “Hitler , God , and The Bible’ …very chilling to observe the decent into the state WE are in now in America…..the way people have come under the influences of Post Modernism and all of the rest of the isms that have historically destroyed a Nation.
I think the schools systems have been tools in disinformation and the revisionists history.
If you watch any of the man on the street interviews such as Leno’s or Fox as they interview people about current events it is appalling . AND there is little embarrassment among adults about their ignorance of so many things that effect their lives and the lives of their children !
Entertainment, pleasure and leisure is all that seems to matter since people do not realize their purpose as human beings …and any kind of concern about GOD and pleasing Him.
It is horrific to watch …even though the Word tells us that things would get like this at some end point in the world ….since this condition is pretty worldwide now it is something to consider…
Keep on seeking out what GOD has set before us in His Word is all I know to do.
There are very good reasons why a spouse often feels like the world is against them in opposing cheating. Post-Modernism, which amounts to relativists thinking operates on the assumption that there are many truths, each being equally valid. This mindset is diametrically opposed to thinking where God and His word are authoritative. Post-modernism makes everyone little gods (authorities) each with equally valid points of view. This kind of thinking is disastrous for marriage. Revisionism in the form of political correctness amounts to a watered down form of post-modernism. Since people do not naturally think that way, they have to be trained to do so in the schools and through popular culture/media. I use the word ‘training’ loosely, since these days, it is more like programming.
Yes…John Taylor Gatto’s huge book “The Underground History of American Education’ is very revealing about the way programming has been methodical and deliberate toward the destruction of society.
Gatto’s book and works are definitely enlightening. He is one of several authors that made me aware of such issues. Their writing along with my readings in psychology and education woke me up to many issues. Some of those other writers include Alan Bloom, Al Benson, Douglas Wilson and John Whitehead along with many others. Each of them had some interesting insights on how the public schools change the way people behave and think.
Good list …anyone who delves into historical records and takes a look at the ‘progress ‘ downward has to acknowledge something has brought this about and it was not just a guy in a ;red suit with a pitch fork!
People make choices and when a child is raised without information about Biblical truth then their hearts and minds are ‘up for grabs’ . Some realize this later in life but it is a long trail to learn truth . Lots of false teachings abounding today.
Zaza,
Thank you. I addressed many of these changes in my article on how marriage has changed over time. As the definition is changed, we loose something. The recent push for the downgrading of marriage is a modern example of this.