For years I had a long running debate with a fellow therapist on the relationship of fear and faith. She said that fear is the opposite of faith, I insisted that fear is when you have more faith in bad happening than in good. We never formally settled our debate. That debate has inspired may lively conversations on the relationship of fear and faith.
In my mind, when you are fearful, you are either trying to predict/control the future or you have more faith that bad will come rather than good. Since you can not live tomorrow before it gets here, your desire to predict it and control the outcomes is on a shaky foundation. Basing your emotional state on what you imagine ‘may’ happen is never a solid basis for major life choices. There is a big difference between informed choices and fearful choices. I mention this, since many of the choices and situations you face with an affair will take you out of your comfort zone. Whether it be a confrontation, a meeting or a move, each of these items represent the possibility of change and the stress that brings with it. You are also outside the limits of what is ‘known.’ There is no way you can know every piece of information you think you need to know. You have to make choices based on what you know, what is right and what you know about patterns.
Since popular culture often cultivates and thrives on creating an atmosphere of fear, you will have to face the source of some of your own fears while being surrounded by things that incite fear. Recognize that lawyers, courts and private investigators thrive off of fear. They want you to be fearful, since you are easier to control and manipulate when you are afraid.
Rather than choose to be fearful, choose to reject the fear, the message that create that fear and fearful people.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
