“It was just sex!”

When you add the word “just” in front of any behavior, your mind attempts accepting the unacceptable. By adding that word, the cheater attempts getting your mind to accept what they did.

They know that if they can get you to mentally accept what they did, in time you can accept it emotionally and relationally. When you accept or tolerate unwholesome behaviors mentally, it puts your mind and your heart in opposition to one another.

You may find yourself feeling torn and confused, while the cheater isn’t going through the same kind of torment. When you’re going through torment and they’re not, it starts you thinking that something is wrong with you.

In such cases, you trusted the cheater and what they told you. They used the special trust in planting seeds that  end up weakening your marriage. When you mentally accept the idea that it was ‘just sex’, you’re weakening your marriage.

They’re also weakening your marriage by trying to sell you on that idea. You are vulnerable to what your spouse tells you. That’s part of the natural bonding.

They have a way of getting to you that no one else has. When they exploit that bond, there are consequences and secondary effects.

Since cheaters are often short-sighted they rarely consider the secondary effects of their behavior and thinking. When they are in ‘immediate gratification’ mode, they don’t consider much of anything other than getting their rocks off.

Stopping the lies to stop actually starts here. It starts with you refusing to accept that it was ‘just sex’.

When you stop accepting the lies, it changes the dynamics of the relationship. if you want things different, you must do things different.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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