When the relationship changes, so does communication

When an affair occurs in your marriage, it changes things. One of the things changed is the dynamics of the marriage. With an affair, it is easy for the two of you to each go to your own separate corners. although the tendency is natural, staying there is dangerous. When you and your spouse become polarized into dynamics such as “good versus bad”, “truthful versus liar”, or “responsible versus irresponsible” you are at risk for the communication to break down. Marital communication by necessity, occurs between two adults. You have to have adult to adult level communication in order for things to work. When the relationship becomes polarized (where each of you are in your own corners), that communication changes. It becomes talking down or talking up. When that dynamic happens, the likelihood of conflict increases, and understanding decreases. Things get taken wrong, you may feel misunderstood or taken out of context. There is a reason for that. The reason is that once things are polarized, the context for both of you changes. Each of you look and listen in terms of your context. Since the two of you no longer share the same context, the meaning of ALL COMMUNICATION changes. The communication breaks down. Yes, the two of you are talking, yet neither is comprehending what is being said and what it means. They know what it means to them, but not to you and vice-versa.

The roles also shift from being two married adults to one where it is more like an adolescent power struggle. The dynamics do not have to stay there. You and your spouse can change them, although that means that you each will have to change HOW you do things and how you talk to each other.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah