What will it take to make you a ‘success’ in life? When traumas come along, like affairs, you have to re-think your priorities and consider what your own personal definition of success is. Take Nelson Mandela for example. He had several homes, praise of world leaders and notoriety. Yet, in terms of his family life, things were very different. He was married three times and divorced twice. His children were fighting and suing their own father. He made the decision to put his job first and his family second. You and your spouse may face similar choices, do you want a marriage and family or success in your job? Your answer will depend on which is most important to you. Your values will tell you what is most important to you. Your choice will then follow you the rest of your life. You can have a secure marriage and loving family OR success and promotion in your job. You will harvest the seeds you plant. If you plant family seeds, you will harvest family fruits. If you plant vocational seeds, you may have buildings named after you and attain promotions, yet your family life will suck.
When your job is the #1 priority, then affairs become no big deal. It is just another way of reaching your goal. If family is your #1 priority, then affairs are not an option. At that point changing jobs, positions or careers become no big deal. Your support system will lay where you planted seeds. You will either have the support of family or the support of job colleagues. It is your choice. Bear in mind, that many of the job colleagues also have vocational success as job #1, so anything they do is about them getting ahead and the needs of the company. If you are lucky, they may even put your picture up on the wall. When your support system is family, then job #1 is promoting family and the needs of family. They will put your photo in their dens and beside their beds. They will pray for you and care for you, since you are family. The choice is yours. You have to choose what makes a ‘successful’ life?
So what does this have to do with affairs? Plenty.If your spouse is a person sold out to success at all costs, they will not view an affair as a ‘problem’. If you wonder why it doesn’t bother them like it bothers you, it could be that each of you has a very different view of what makes a person successful.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
