[Affair Recovery Radio] Emotional Recovery : Dealing with Loneliness

Dealing with loneliness in affair recovery is tough. Those around you will not always understand or support your choices. Even when surrounded by others, you may still feel alone.

Emotional Recovery – Dealing with Loneliness <<– listen to the audio here

Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. I’m glad you’re here with me today. The topic we’re going to be dealing with today is emotional recovery: dealing with loneliness.

Affair recovery’s tough. You know that. It’s also very painful, with intense pain at levels that you may have thought that you weren’t capable of experiencing before.

Besides the loneliness, besides the sense of betrayal, it can also be very lonely. Those around you will not always understand or support your choices. They may be very loving, but a lot of times they’re not going to understand where you’re coming from.

What that means is that many of your choices will have to be made alone. When I talk about you making choices alone, there are going to be times that you’re going to decide things that not everyone is going to agree with.

That’s largely because they don’t know everything that’s going on, and they are not experiencing the same emotions that you are. They don’t think like you do.

When you’re in the midst of the loneliness you’re going to find that even when you are surrounded by others, you may find yourself feeling alone. And at times you may even chase other people away in order to be alone. Loneliness is a tough emotion to deal with. And it’s a tough one for a lot of people to bear alone.

If you’re one of these people that are used to socializing, to experience the sensation of being alone is a whole new world for you. And you may not be very well equipped to deal with it. Those of you who are used to doing things on your own, the sense of loneliness can magnify your pain in a way that you never imagined before.

We’re going to be talking about what you can do about that today. The solution is going to be practicing emotional flood control. I use that term, emotional flood control, because the loneliness oftentimes comes in like a flood. Almost like a tidal wave, this big wall of emotion just wraps around you and surrounds you, and totally engulfs you. Let’s talk about what you can do.

Number one, accept your situation in terms of right now. I say that because many times when people are struggling with loneliness like you are they will assume that this is the way it’s always going to be. That there’s no hope. That there’s not going to be any change. For that reason you’re going to need to focus on things right now.

Right now, it’s emotionally overwhelming. That does not mean it will always be that way. That does not mean that your past is always going to be the way it is either. Many times people find themselves in a situation where they’re emotionally overwhelmed and their mind continues to focus on the past.

That’s a type of situation where they’re stumbling through these flood waters. You don’t want that. Focus on what’s going on now. It’s going to require your attention.

Number two, practice using the loneliness. You may say, well what do you mean use the loneliness? What I mean by that, use those times to think, to plan, to pray, to rest. With the intense loneliness, that’s going to draw a lot of your attention inward. And with that inward focus that’s a good time to go ahead and do some soul-searching, thinking, and planning.

If that’s too overwhelming for you you may have to use the loneliness as a time to rest. Go out for walks in nature somewhere, to get away from things. Because you are going to need to redirect a lot of the emotions and the emotional energy right now. And when you learn how to use the loneliness that amounts to redirecting all that emotional energy.

That’s why I say learn how to use the loneliness.

Number three, avoid mixing loneliness with drugs or alcohol. Mixing loneliness with drugs and alcohol makes for a terrible situation. When you mix it with anything, like self-pity, revenge, etc., it’s also destructive. But it’s especially destructive when you mix loneliness with drugs and alcohol.

Because even if you do involve yourself with the drugs and alcohol at this time it’s going to mask things. It’s not fixing anything. It’s not making the pain go away. All it does is numb you out to emotions that you need to be working through. That’s not a good option right now.

In terms of practicing emotional flood control, accept your situation in terms of right now. That’s going to be where you deal with your immediate needs. Then you’re going to need to redirect the emotional energy, and that’s where I said practice using the loneliness. And finally, you’re going to need to avoid mixing the loneliness with drugs or alcohol.

These are three steps that you can start on right now, to start getting your life turned back around. Loneliness didn’t get there all at once, it’s not going to go away all at once. And as you put these three items into practice it’s going to start turning things around. And like the flood water, it’s going to redirect all those waters back out to where they came from.

I encourage you to go ahead and put these things into place, if you’re struggling with loneliness during this time. If you are struggling with loneliness, that’s only natural, given what you have gone through.

Until next time, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. I encourage you, if you’ve gotten something out of this please give some feedback or feel free to check out my website at www.surviveyourpartnersaffair.com for more information on dealing with affairs and moving past it.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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