Affairs begin with lies and are constructed of lies. It’s not just a matter of the cheater lying to you about things, chances are they have lied to the lover as well.
In most cases, the lover has also done their share of lying. When you have a relationship that starts with lies, and is built on lies and half-truths, how stable can it be?
Like the person who lives in ‘castles in the sky’, the relationship starts with many fantasies and very little substance or foundation.
That means that you’re not the only one who is a victim of lies. Everyone touched by the affair is a victim of lies.
Some have been more victimized than others. The tragic ones are when one of the lovers is under the impression that the relationship is ‘legit’ and not with someone who is married.
In such cases, they’ve been hoodwinked. Although lies about marital status are big, they’re not the biggest.
The worst lie, in my opinion is the one the whole affair rests on. It rests on the lie of starting a relationship with no intention of ever committing to it.
It starts based on a premise that a relationship can happen between them, yet the reality is that there is not and never was an intention for a serious commitment to the relationship. I consider this tragic. Once people’s emotions are engaged or they become interested or worse that they fall in love, it’s very painful to hold back or shut them off.
It is a hurt waiting to happen. Signals were given that were intentionally deceptive. There was never any hope for things to work out, yet the lover hid that from each other.
Another tragic element is that those who are surrounded by lies often start believing their own lies. They loose their way and eventually get to the point where they do not know truth from a lie.
When they are like that, they automatically assume that others lie as much as they do, including you.
This will help you see that the trap of lies is not just about you. Everyone is caught up in a whole network of lies.
One area damaged by lies is trust. No matter how serious the affair was, trust was damaged.
There is that lingering uneasiness about whether or not you can trust them again. In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I share with you ways of rebuilding trust.
You can know what specific areas need your attention in order for trust to flourish. Trust isn’t a mystery. There are specific things you can do that makes it possible. Find out what you need to do in order to improve your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
5 Responses
I agree all lies are deadly and heartbreaking ….the worst one I think is getting married to someone who has other ideas about what ‘commitment’ means but they have hidden it….Not all adultery comes by ‘accident’ nor ‘unintentional” in today’s fallen society it is something of a ‘sport’ which some people , once they reach their goal career wise they assume that adultery is one of the understood ‘perks’ in their industry…..one place we see this is in such as ” The Wolf of Wall Street ‘ demonstrates….
For some part of the driving force for them is ‘success’ offers not just more money or power but ‘freedom ‘ from the rules others must live by.
It is devastating since with ‘entitlement’ a ‘given ‘ those who indulge claim it is ‘just part of the way their world works’ and that ‘no body is all that surprised” by it
A sad commentary of our society today.
I agree all lies are deadly and heartbreaking ….the worst one I think is getting married to someone who has other ideas about what ‘commitment’ means but they have hidden it….Not all adultery comes by ‘accident’ nor ‘unintentional” in today’s fallen society it is something of a ‘sport’ which some people , once they reach their goal career wise they assume that adultery is one of the understood ‘perks’ in their industry…..one place we see this is in such as ” The Wolf of Wall Street ‘ demonstrates….
For some part of the driving force for them is ‘success’ offers not just more money or power but ‘freedom ‘ from the rules others must live by.
It is devastating since with ‘entitlement’ a ‘given ‘ those who indulge claim it is ‘just part of the way their world works’ and that ‘no body is all that surprised” by it
A sad commentary of our society today.
Zaza,
I appreciate your comments. The image of affairs as ‘sport’ is troubling to consider, yet very accurate. The old adolescent mindset of ‘scoring’ with the cheerleader seems to follow some cheaters for a lifetime. I have not seen the “Wolf of Wall Street”, although I am familiar with the idea of affairs as perks, having spent time in the Houston area during the days of Enron and oil booms. Even that image is problematic. When affairs are viewed as perks of the job, or even a ‘benefit’ of having ‘made the grade, they function as ‘doggie treats’ given out to those exhibiting the results that the company is after. In such an environment, everything is ‘results’ oriented, which often leads to moral compromises in areas such as affairs. The companies do not realize that corrupted morals do not stay in the arena of sexual licentiousness. They spread throughout the company into negotiations, business practices, investments, etc., eventually resulting in a corrupted business in many areas. Lies are often the start of the process, especially when they are combined with greed.
Yes…the company my husband was working for imploded on an international level ….So true..
“Your sin will find you out’ …..
I did not see the movie ..I don’t think I would want to see Hollywood’s version though I bet it is right up their alley emphasizing the variety of wickedness…with glamor and making it all ‘shiny’ as if sin needs more enticement.
I listened to an interview with the guy that it is about …He now disdains it ..but does not endorse the Lord or need for God….but seemed to demonstrate an attitude of himself being able by his own means to rise from the ashes…He very well may since success in the world may come through hard work and applying whatever work ethic and knowledge of a field ….but salvation is STILL the necessity because one may gain the whole world but lose their soul ..and once it ‘s over there is NO ‘do over’ is there.
The statement “Your sin will find you out” is so true on many levels. Ever since Moses uttered that phrase, it has echoed through history. Although the world often uses the term ‘karma’ in understanding this concept, its power and consistency is attested to world-wide. The negative energy generated by an affair, left unchecked is always destructive.