One way to make yourself unpopular is promoting ‘self-control’. Cheaters don’t want to hear about self-control, self-discipline or self-denial. Saying “No” to self in such a manner is viewed as ‘controlling’ or ‘stifling’ or ‘being restrictive’.
You may even be accused of ‘imposing your values’ or ‘judging them’ at suggesting self-control.
When you suggest or promote that the cheater have some self-control, don’t expect them to say ‘thank you’ or “I needed that” or any kind of gratitude. Instead, you will likely be called names associated with controlling tendencies.
You may even be equated to politically oppressive groups. Selfish people will not take kindly to being told that they need ‘self-control’. Modern media and the world tells them to enjoy themselves or have it their way, and you have the audacity to tell them that they’re not supposed to have it their way.
There are even some modern thinkers who view self-control as what produces neuroses or makes them unhappy. When the cheater starts quoting and using ‘experts’ who promote self-indulgence against you, they are trying to make you feel outnumbered and ‘out of touch’ with the real world.
If they just call you ‘old-fashioned’ you’ll be lucky. Although modern culture hasn’t reached the point where those who advocate unhappiness pose threats to the mental health of others, things are headed that way.
Since you dared advocate self-control, you’re making them unhappy. You are denying them their entitlement to self-indulgence without guilt.
You’re at that point viewed as ‘the trouble-maker’. Although the lover and cheater are the homewreckers, they view you as the ‘homewrecker’ since you dared upsetting their version of nirvana and pleasure.
In their mind, their selfish indulgence takes precedence over the emotions of others. This includes you and other family members. Making them upset will be seen as ‘all your fault’. You dared spreading negativity by saying something about their selfishness.
Even though self-control is unpopular, it’s necessary. Self-denial is required for a healthy, functional marriage.
There will always be temptations and distractions. Learning how to say no to those things is imperative.
If you don’t then your marriage will be filled with crisis after crisis of making the same mistakes over and over again.
If your marriage is dealing with the damage of an affair, you’ll want the download, ‘Affair Recovery Workshop’. In the workshop, you’ll find tools you need in repairing your marriage. From setting healthy boundaries, through improving communication to breaking family patterns of affairs, you’ll find what you need.
Developing self-control is only one part of affair recovery. You can know what to do along with the correct sequence to do things in the workshop. Your marriage is worth it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
