There are times that you may wonder if your counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or marriage counselor really sees the problem you see. To you, the problems surrounding the affair are clear and plain, yet they don’t seem as concerned about them as you do.
It seems that they don’t see the Elephant of a problem right in front of them.
In more than half the cases, they don’t see the Elephant. They are busy looking for ‘depression, narcissism, bipolar’ or some other diagnosis instead of seeing the affair as the problem.
In most cases, they were trained to look for ‘diagnostic culprits’ rather than address the issue in front of them.
In other situations, the counselor doesn’t share the same moral outrage about infidelity that you do. They treat it as if it were ‘no big deal’.
They may even go so far as to view your ‘moral outrage’ as a bigger problem than the affair. You may even be viewed as controlling or hateful because you don’t approve of the affair.
When they don’t grasp the moral outrage, they don’t understand the seriousness of the infidelity to your and your family. It is a BIG deal.
For this reason, you’ll want a counselor who shares your values and concerns. Finding them may mean seeing someone not on your insurance plan or located further out than you like.
When your marriage is at stake, these are small inconveniences. Rather than considering the disregard for your moral concerns being viewed as an inconvenience by the counselor.
In many cases, the counselor was trained in an environment that excused immorality and pathology as ‘no big deal’. Many schools try to be so accepting of pathology or ‘value neutral’ that it distorts the counselor trainees ability to comprehend the elephant when they see it.
In my graduate school, the psychologist in charge of suicide prevention killed herself and the one in charge of stress management, lost his cool and killed his step-father with a claw hammer. These incidents don’t begin scratching the surface of who was sleeping with who or with which students.
Such episodes of mixed messages in colleges where counselors are trained are more common than you may want to believe. When counselors are trained in such environments, is it any wonder that they do not see the elephant in the marriage counselor’s office.
When your counselor doesn’t see the affair problem, there are solutions. You could find another counselor or you could start working on your marriage with the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop.”
Rather than wait for an appointment, the two of you can start working on your marriage soon after you complete the order form. There’s not waiting for an appointment, or embarrassment, or waiting for insurance to approve anything. In fact, your insurance company will not know that you had marriage issues or sought help at all.
Best Regards,
Jeff
