Why you won’t have a perfect Marriage after the Affair

After you and your spouse recover from the affair there will be many changes. Affairs change everyone they touch.

They change your thinking, your emotions, your relationships and your spirituality. Those of you who try telling me that the affair hasn’t changed you don’t realize what happened. You are deceiving yourself or others.

One of the motives driving the affair was ‘change’.  The cheater wanted change, and the affair delivered. Affairs always delivers change.

One of the problems is that the affair has a life all its own. It brings changes you didn’t expect or predict. Once the affair takes place, everyone loses control over how it will change things.

By their very nature, affairs are uncontrolled and unpredictable. Even the most mechanical of affairs that you find in prostitution is not just a matter of going through the motions.

It changes those it touches as well. In more cases than not, those involved die a little bit each time they ‘just go through the motions’. Affairs have a way of killing your soul on an installment plan.

With this in mind, your marriage can survive the affair. You can survive the affair. You and your marriage will be different on the other side of the affair.

You can regain closeness and intimacy, although it won’t be like before. Your marriage won’t be perfect. There will be imperfections and flaws in each of you and your relationship.

You’ll have to decide what kind of flaws you can live with and what you can’t put up with.

If you expect your marriage to be perfect, you are holding unrealistic expectations. It’s those unrealistic expectations that add stress to affair recovery.

Healing comes when the two of you accept each other, warts and all. When you accept each other as they are, things start changing.

You can win the cheater back. If you’re the cheater, you can win your spouse back.

You’ll have to accept the imperfections of your marriage. It will not be perfect.

The two of you won’t handle your conflicts perfectly, you will not raise your children perfectly, you will not handle cooperation perfectly. Although it may not be perfect, you’ll have each other.

There will likely be some aspects of your marriage that are stronger than they were before the affair. The two of you may have learned to value honesty, acceptance and forgiveness more after the affair than before.

Those areas where the imperfections are found can become either a source of strength or sources of contention. How the two of you handle them will determine what they become.

What kind of marriage do you expect after the affair?

This is why there is a whole section in the “Affair Recovery Workshop” where the two of you address what you expect of each other. Once each of you have those areas in the open, you can work on ways of achieving the kind of marriage that works for both of you.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

 

You Might Also Like To Read:

History of Affairs

Tramps!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular Posts