In dealing with the affair, many books and media outlets vies for your attention. Each sells you their views of marriage and adultery.
The definition of marriage used makes a difference. It shapes and determines the solutions they can offer regarding affairs and how to deal with them.
Here, you’ll find an old-fashioned view of marriage or what is often called ‘traditional’ marriage. With the traditional view of marriage, there is also the traditional view of adultery.
Once you establish a definition of marriage, violations of that definition by default fall into the category of adultery or unfaithfulness.
This means adultery is more about sinful choices, than self-actualization, self-realization, or finding oneself via sexual adventures. The cheater is hurting and looking for something to take their mind off their pain.
They made bad choices. They didn’t honor the commitments and promises they made to you.
If you are looking for modern ideas of open marriage, you’ll not find them here. You’ll not find the ideas that you need to ‘try them all until you find a good one’ type of thinking here.
Open marriages and polyamory are nothing more than old perversions and sexual licentiousness put into new modern packaging.
I recall a conversation with a researcher at University of Houston about infidelity. They refused viewing swinging as anyway similar to infidelity, even though spouses are sleeping around. This is prime example of how your definition of marriage determines how you view adultery.
Here, you’ll find the old ideas of marriage is one man and one woman. Marriage is a covenant promise made between a man and a woman.
Those promises are serious and binding. They’re not contractual obligations that can be considered null and void because someone gets tired, bored or wants new thrills.
Your definition of marriage determines your how you view adultery.
The seriousness of commitment made on entering marriage is directly related to the seriousness that its violations with adultery.
People do make mistakes and bad choices. There are also consequences to bad choices. The consequences of bad choices always follow those choices.
It’s not a matter of punishment, but simple old-fashioned cause and effect. You can call it natural law or karma. These consequences can not be avoided by changing your vibes, your mindset or your values.
The consequences will come. The bad choice effects of adultery can be overcome. Marriages can survive affairs.
An affair does not have to mean that the marriage is over. It does mean that the marriage needs some work. That work requires the effort of BOTH husband and wife to overcome the pain, the bad habits, the temptations and the effects of the affair.
The institution of marriage was established long before there were governments. The dynamics of marriage are more powerful than the laws of men.
Laws can be written regarding the legality of adultery, yet they won’t short-circuit or prevent consequences. New writers can think that they have a ‘better’ definition of marriage, or that the definition of marriage changes with the times.
I have news for them. The dynamics of marriage and relationships existed generations before them, and will continue many generations after their trendy ideas have been disproved.
Marriage is serious. It is not playtime. Likewise, affairs are serious and not playtime either.
It does make a difference how you define marriage. It determines how you will define affairs along with how you deal with them.
If you are dealing with unfaithfulness, there are things you can do. The downloadable, ‘Affair Recovery Workshop’ guides you through recovery.
The unique sequence takes you through what you need, when you need it. Doing the right thing in the wrong order makes recovery messier than it has to be.
Best Regards,
Jeff
