Stalking and Affairs

Stalking is an affair that’s become uncomfortable.

When someone stalks, they are obsessed with their target and seek connection with them in some way.

Affairs are also about obsessions, yet the connection is welcomed rather than feared. You may not have considered stalking as ‘affairs that are out of control’, yet when you take a hard look at them, it becomes apparent.

Affairs  quickly spin out of control and become a stalking fest. You live under an illusion that relationships and people can be controlled. You assume that you can limit how far the relationship goes and how big it will grow. When an affair happens, any such illusion is gone.

The stalker can be the lover, the cheater, the spurned spouse or someone hired to spy on what transpires. Since affairs involve so many people, there are many variants as to who is stalking who.

At times the roles may change between the hunter and the hunted once stalking begins.

All relationships need  a mechanism for restraint. It will either be love or fear. You will choose to restrain yourself  in the relationship based on either love or fear.

Since affairs are driven more by lust than love, there is no longer self-restraint based on love. The only mechanism controlling emotions and behavior is fear.

It may be a fear of the law, fear of getting caught, fear of pregnancy, fear of exposure, etc. The fears become a way of life. In many ways, the fear adds intensity to the experience.

A major part of the excitement associated with affairs is actually about fear. The greater the fear, the greater the excitement.

When the fear becomes perverted or unhealthy, the risk of stalking increases dramatically. The players are already used to giving into their unrestrained passions.

In the case of stalking, the unrestrained passions are only redirected. The stalker is still obsessed with their target. The obsession may be of either a positive or a negative type.

They want connection with their target. It may be about keeping a relationship alive or chasing it down to its death, or maintaining such a jealous protection that they seek to remove all potential threats.

What cheaters forget is that when they can easily get into someone’s pants, it is often related to that person have little or no self-restraint in other areas as well. Their lack of self-control is not limited to sexual passions. They often lack self-control in other areas.

Once the cheater opens the door to an affair, they release MORE than just sexual passions.The affair is a Pandora’s box of surprises.

Remember that if the lover was seeking healthy relationships, they wouldn’t be having an affair. An affair, by its very nature is an unhealthy relationship.

And BTW, one more thing: My “Affair Recovery Workshop” gives you the help you need in turning around your marriage. Rather than surviving an unhealthy relationship, you can instead be thriving in the midst of a healthier one.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

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