Have you ever considered the connection between hoax crimes and affairs? In the case of hoax crimes, a member a particular social group stages an act of ‘hate’ or destruction of property upon themselves.
When the crime is brought to public attention, the victim is the center of attention. They suddenly have power and influence since they are a ‘victim’.
The victim draws attention to their cause or social group. The person who was marginalized now finds themselves the center of attention.
The paradox is that when you play the ‘victim’ card, with all that it entails, you attain power sounds bizarre, but it works. Perpetrating a hoax crime has a way of temporarily changing the power structure and energy.
In a similar way, some cheaters play their own version of the ‘victim card’. By telling themselves that they have been treated unfair, or denied sex, or denied attention or some other aspect of married life, they begin the ‘affair game’ in a better position.
By having an affair as a result of being the victim, they don’t feel so guilty. In taking on the role of victim, the person they cheated on, which is likely you, is now views by their friends and maybe even your friends and family as ‘the person in the wrong’.
Victimhood is powerful, whether in perpetrating hoax crimes, or staging an affair. In each case, by claiming that they were a victim, the perpetrator gains temporary public support and approval.
They’re gaming you and all those around you. Even though they’re gaming everyone, by claiming victimhood, they have the emotional support of those around them.
Playing victim in such situations is not fair. Those doing so seriously believe that “all is fair in love and war”. In your case, they are playing by a different set of rules than you do.
When the victim card is played, the tables are suddenly turned topsy-turvy. This is why you need to see the big picture of what is actually going on.
With both hoax crimes and victim-affairs, the change is only temporary. The truth will eventually come out, and often with a vengeance. Treat the episode as if ‘the circus has come to town’, knowing that it only there for a limited engagement and will soon move on.
If your marriage has been victimized, the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” can help. You can turn your marriage back around and re-establish healthy boundaries, communication and relationships.
Best Regards,
Jeff
