One of the emotional issues you face in dealing with an affair is loneliness. It is tough facing a challenge that changes your world, touches all your relationships and rocks your security, all without your spouse beside you.
When you consider all that is at stake, it’s no wonder that you feel alone.
The loneliness amplifies any negative emotion you experience. The loneliness makes the positive emotions seem to be only a flash in the pan, while the negative ones seem to go on and on and on.
You will need to recognize that what seems so overwhelming is the “amplification” of the emotion, and not the real emotion. When you amplify small things, even bugs to a big enough size, they become scary and intimidating.
The same process is happening with emotions. Realize that you being alone is making them seem bigger and badder than they actually are.
Being alone also means that your emotional fuel tank is smaller than it was when the two of you were together. The massive things you once were able to do now take up all your energies.
When the two of you were together, you could build each other up. When you face those challenges alone, your energy is limited. This means that you will have to ‘pick and choose’ your battles.
Just because someone wants to tangle does not mean that you have to join them. You’ll have to give yourself permission to say ‘no’, or just walk away.
It doesn’t mean that you’re weak, it means that you’re being selective about what you are spending your emotional energy on.
Loneliness is tough, but doesn’t have to be overwhelming. When loneliness is coupled with depression, you have a negative feedback loop, with each one making the other worse.
If you are stuck in one of those negative feedback loops,…unhook it, disable it, and disrupt it. If it was electronics, you would unplug it. Find a way of unplugging the source of that irritating emotional noise.
The ebook, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” deals with many of the emotionally tough questions you’ll be facing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
