The fears, images and sensations you experience whenever you think about the affair are not coming out of thin air. Even when the affair is over, you may find yourself re-experiencing the pain all over again.
If you double-check, that re-experiencing of pain comes on the anniversary of affair related events.
It could be the anniversary of when it began, when you discovered it or some other big event from when the affair happened. You mind may not remember, but your body does.
Anniversary reactions are real. You’re not just imaging them.They happen to both the loyal spouse and the cheater. This is why I state in my workshop, “The affair isn’t over when it’s over“.
Anniversary reactions can be tied into actual anniversaries, yet can also pop up on anniversaries of other painful events. When painful anniversaries occur, your body often does not sort them out and you are left feeling a mixture of feelings.
You’re not loosing your mind. All those feelings which don’t make sense are likely part of some anniversary reactions. They don’t make sense because they are emotion based rather than intellectual based.
Your body remembers strong stimuli, whether it was enjoyable or painful. You also remember emotions. Since ‘compartamentalizing’ is often one of the ways that people cope, they assume that just because they can not recall an event, that they will no longer experience its effects.
This is a false assumption. Your body and emotions often remember many events that happened to you. They remember what you felt, what you went through, what you experienced. When you have not resolved those issues, they often come back reminding you of your unfinished business.
When the anniversary reactions happen, you can choose to ignore them by putting them off another year or so until they come back again OR you could choose to work through them.
In some cases, the reactions dissipate when you acknowledge what is going on. When the hurts or events were extreme, you may need to do more. By doing more, you may need to ‘let go’, or forgive, or seek an answer as to what the reaction is communicating to you.
Although cheaters often want to ‘move on’ and close the door on the past as quickly as possible, when those doors are shut before the issues are resolved, it creates an emotional pressure cooker situation where tensions simmer in the background for months or even years.
If you choose working through the anniversary reactions, the video “Dealing with Affair Relapse” provides you with more hands on information. Besides anniversary reactions, it also covers triggers, recognizing urges and developing a relapse prevention plan.
When they happen, you don’t have to be caught off guard.
Best Regards,
Jeff
