When it comes to affairs, there are no “do-overs”. What’s happened isn’t something that can be undone. Ending the affair is not undoing the damage.
Sure ending the relationship stops the immediate emotional bleeding, but it doesn’t heal the hurts that have been inflicted.
An affair damages your marriage relationship. What the two of you had is no longer something special just between the two of you. The affair takes away any special-ness.
It makes the marriage just another relationship between two people. When your marriage gets to that point, it’s no longer secure. Someone else could come along and endanger the marriage.
When the two of you disagree, it’s easier thinking of the divorce option than the working through option.
One affair weakens the bonds between the two of you. The power that held the two of you is now weakened. When the strength of the bond is weakened, there is more uncertainty.
You find yourself always wondering if you are going to be replaced or if there is a ‘better’ someone for you out there. The weakening of the marriage bonds increases the possibility of replacement.
Things that prior to the affair weren’t a threat are now potentially dangerous. Talks with the neighbor, conversations at work, calls from strangers are now all potential threats.
Even when they are not making passes at your spouse, there is the uneasiness and uncertainty that they might or that your spouse might be looking for someone else. Fear begins creeping in and pushing out love.
Like many threats, they start off small and disguised, and by the time you realize what you’re dealing with, it’s beyond your control.
Marriages don’t just snap in two when a divorce happens. The divorce merely makes the weakened marriage bonds official. That weakening started with affair situations.
Divorce only brings a legitimate ending to the separation of husband and wife began unfolding.
Rather than trying to clean up the mess when things have gone too far and for too long, you will need to work quickly to repair the damage after an affair.
After stopping the affair, the communication needs to be repaired, the intimacy restored, and the commitment to the marriage re-established.
The sooner these steps are taken the less the damage. You will not be able to undo the affair, you can repair the damage and contain its impact.
The downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you through each of these areas. Ways of restoring communication, knowing what to talk about, renewing the intimacy and changing your marriage for the better.
The cheater may have caused the affair. When the affair is over, who is going to cause the healing?
Best Regards,
Jeff
