When the cheater tells you “I can’t help it, I was born this way!”

 

When a cheater tells you “I can’t help it, I was born this way!” they’re avoiding responsibility. Avoiding responsibility is very popular in these modern times.

The greater the victimhood you can claim, the more libertine lifestyle you can live. By claiming they were ‘born this way’, they’re claiming to be victims of circumstances beyond their control.

The ‘victimhood’ ploy is the modern version of the old ‘wooden leg’ alcoholic game. By claiming to be a victim, the cheater lowers the standards you expect of them.

When you have high standards, the cheater is pressured in developing  discipline, motivation and self-control. Each of those qualities requires effort. Rather than engage in activities requiring effort, they choose a passive role, playing victim and lowering the standards you expect.

Even after the affair, by lowering the standards, they increase the risk of  affair relapse. They ‘keep their options open’ by playing the ‘victimhood card’ along with assuming a position of helplessness.

People, including the cheater, are born clean. They required someone to clean them up, Through time, they learned the importance of soap and cleanliness. They likely develop rituals of cleanliness.

It baffles me how the same people who claim they ‘were born this way’ when it comes to cheating, have managed overcoming their own personal uncleanness and ‘ways they were born’ regarding their hygiene. They’ve learned habits of cleanliness. They can also learn habits of fidelity.

Claiming they are born this way also changes the dynamics of your relationship. Rather than your marriage being between two adults, it becomes something else.

Your marriage turns into an adult and irresponsible child relationship. One is responsible for their actions while the other isn’t. Such an unequal dynamic creates imbalance and problems.

The imbalance creates two different sets of expectations. Although the irresponsible spouse makes their claim, their actions want adult liberties. The combination of adult liberties and irresponsibility don’t mix well.

Besides that, the mixed messages will leave you feeling like you’ve lost it. It’s not that you’ve lost it, they’re sending you contradictory messages.

In claiming they were born this way, they seek an easy out. In many cases, you love them and want to believe what they tell you. This makes you vulnerable to such ploys.

Rather than falling for the ploy, strive to help them be their best, through overcoming the way they were born, or old habits.

If you need help reducing the risk of affair relapse, the video, ‘Preventing Affair Relapse’ is what you’re looking for. It guides you in understanding what you’re dealing with along with strategies for handling affair relapse

Best Regards,

Jeff

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