Recently, I was taken aback by the question “What is the chance of my marriage surviving?” I thought to myself, “When did a therapist become an odds maker?” Such a question puts the counselor in the same category of a casino odds expert.
Given the wide range of casinos, I suspect there’s a wide range of casino expert odds makers as well. I recall that the casinos of Galveston were often rigged with devices always changing the odds in favor of the house.
When it comes to affairs, the environment is often filled with risks and hidden dangers that change the odds either in your favor or against it. What I can tell you is that with an affair, the odds are in your favor of surviving.
I hesitate giving you the number right now, since some of you will quit trying on hearing that number. At that point, you start putting faith in the number rather than work on your marriage.
When you consider the odds of your marriage surviving, there are several things that have to be considered. These include your value system, family history of divorces, family history of affairs, the socioeconomic status of the couple, whether the couple does what the therapist recommends, and the willingness of the husband and wife to commit to their marriage. Some of these are under your control and some aren’t. That means some of the things you can change, and some you can only change your attitude about.
Each of these things effects the chances of your marriage surviving.
Perhaps a better question is “How much effort are you willing to put forth to make your marriage work?” At least the effort question has an definite answer.
You decide how much effort you’re investing in your marriage. How you answer that question will help you more than any seeking any kind of prediction on chances or the odds of your marriage working.
Seeking a prediction of chances or odds amounts to ‘rolling the dice’ with everything you own at stake on the table.
Like any kind of gambling, ‘if you don’t know the game or the rules, you better not be playing‘.
Instead of risks, it’s safer staying with choices about how much effort you are willing to put forth or how long you are willing to work on your marriage. You have to determine what your marriage and spouse are worth.
That’ll help you decide matters. You’ll also find out the answers to hard questions like, “How big is your God?” along with “Where do you put your faith?”
Asking a counselor who’s not an odds-maker about your chances is dangerous. It is like asking the clerk at the grocery store for advice on investment properties in Monaco. They’re a nice person who often helps you, but the likelihood is that they don’t know much about investment properties in Monaco.
If your serious about putting the odds in your favor, the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program guides you in becoming a better spouse and having a stronger marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
