Are You Broken or Torn by the Affair?

When your marriage is torn apart, you experience intense pain and  challenges. Broken things can often be fixed or glued back together, but when your marriage is torn, it’s not easily repaired.

You may ask, “How can you tell the difference between being broken and being torn?”  The easiest way is asking yourself how you refer to what happened and what you are feeling.

Do you use words expressing brokenness or those expressing tearing?

This is where your gut often knows more about your marriage than your head does. The word you choose reveal what you’re experiencing.

Tears leave ragged edges. Those ragged edges are frayed. In a similar manner you may feel more worn and frayed than broken. Being in a frayed state makes you more reactive, worn and damaged. Being torn is more a sense of being worn out, with little chance of repair or hope.

Brokenness on the other hand, leaves edges and a sensation of being edgy. There’s a sharpness in your reactions and moods.

In each case, the wholeness is gone. Your sense of being together is gone. Parts of your marriage and your life are gone.

You’ve lost connection with many things. In the case of being torn, those parts were ripped out of your life forcibly, whereas in brokenness a sudden event changed or shattered what you had.

Either way, you’re damaged and your marriage isn’t what it was.

Understanding the kind of damage you experienced is important in coming up with a way to deal with it. The recovery you need depends on which kind of damage your marriage experienced.

Brokenness needs glue and time to ‘set’ or reconnect, while being torn will take serious mending and patching that reinforces areas of weakness. The frayed edges will not disappear.

They’ll either be tucked inside and sewn over or left hanging as a reminder of the frayed experience. Being torn is often after a series of damaging episodes. Each leaving you a little weaker, until things finally give way.

So are you broken or torn?

For brokenness, the “Affair Recovery Workshop” is your best answer. It guides you in rebuilding the shattered pieces of your marriage. In the event, you are torn, the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” will help you with the pains your are facing.

In each case, you need healing. Finding the right healing for what you’re going through makes a huge difference in your recovery.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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